18 Weeks and the Circle of Life

I lost my sweet grandmother last week. My last grandmother. Thanks to years of infertility, I was never able to give them great-grandchildren.

Until now.

Two grandmothers gone in one year....and two miracle baby boys nestled in my womb. Funny how that circle of life works.

I am sad that they will never meet their great-grandsons, and sad that our boys will never get to know two wonderful women. However, I can smile and be at peace because there are two angels watching over them now.

My Memommy was so excited that she had two great-grandsons on the way. It weighed heavy on her heart that we had so much trouble conceiving for all of these years. The last time I talked to her was on the day we found out that we were having two boys, two weeks before her passing. She giggled in excitement and told me how happy she was for us. "Oh dahlin', I'm so happy for you and Andy!"

She then proceeded to tell me a funny story about a name that we should use. I'm so glad she knew that I was finally pregnant before she passed. I think it would break my heart even more for her to have never known during her time here on Earth.

A woman of true southern grace, with a giggle that would send you into hysterics. Her favorite word was "shit", with a southern drawl of course. She absolutely loved to read about and collect angels. She was usually sporting the cataract sunglasses if you were around her during the daylight hours, and always with a glass of white wine in the evenings, chilled with one ice cube. "Honey, would you please get me another ice cube for my wine? Just one. This one already melted."
 
I'm going to really miss her...and I can't wait to give one of our boys the name we spoke of the very last time I talked to her.

Our last Christmas together...2010

 

Our last Mother's Day together, 4 generations, May 2011

17 Weeks

                     18 Weeks                   

See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.  

Exodus 23:20

16 Weeks!

I guess that I'm going to try out this whole Q&A thing so that I can document the journey that we've waited so long for! I'll try to keep it simple. And no complaining.

How far along?

16 Weeks...I can't believe I'm writing this.

Baby's Sizes:
Avocados! They are about 4.6" long and weigh about 3.5 oz. each.
Developmental milestones?
Tiny bones are forming in their ears...they can now pick up my voice! Eyebrows/lashes/hair are filling in, and taste buds are forming.
Weight Gain:
About 11 lbs.
Stretch Marks:
Underneath boobs.
Innie or Outie?
Still an innie!
Cravings?
Werther's Originals, peppermints, popcorn, cherry coke, California rolls, Japanese white sauce, and calamari. And milk. And apple juice. And bagels with a thick layer of cream cheese. And boiled peanuts. k.
Throw it in the trash?
Meat.
Kicks and Punches?
I feel little bubbles popping!
Best Moment this week:
Everywhere we go, we see twin boys...it's fate!

What do I miss?

Nothing. Infertility stole enough of my life.
What I'm looking forward to: 
Starting on the nursery! We're going to take down the guest bedroom this weekend and start painting!

The Bumps:

Yes, we're freaks.

15 Weeks!

15w0d...they are kickin' up a storm in there. God is good.

Our first little hand-me-down gift...a swing!! Planning on getting Griswold used to it being in the room so that he won't be as interested when there is a real baby in it! As a matter of fact, I need to get used to it being in the room. So surreal.

Their first little gifts from grandma...makes me want to cry. So sweet!

At 15 weeks, they are beginning to grow eyebrows, eyelashes, and hair. They are now able to sense light, and will grow faster than ever over the next month. Right now they are about 4 inches long and weigh 2 ounces. Such a miracle:)

All is well here...just trying to keep our world calm and stress free. I downloaded some classical music to let the babies listen to each morning and night. We also picked out the paint color for the nursery and got some names narrowed down. We've decided to keep them a surprise for now because we're good at changing our minds last minute;)

We will be celebrating Andy's 38th birthday this weekend! We have company coming in town to stay with us, and have plans to head up to the Auburn/South Carolina game in Columbia to hang out with some old friends. Should be a good time!

Happy Birthday Andy Ann! I love you and you are going to make THE BEST daddy ever!

It's a....

We had our 14 week visit this morning, and all is going well...praise the Lord! Boom Boom and Pow are growing right on target with heart rates in the 150's! And guess what! Hematomawhore is officially GONE! Take that biotch.

My blood pressure and glucose were normal, and they sent off a bunch of routine blood work. I believe that I've gained around 11 pounds so far. It's hard to tell because I lost quite a bit during the first trimester. Time to play catch-up! I'm almost out of my regular clothes and starting to incorporate maternity clothes into the mix. It feels so weird...I feel like an impostor sometimes. I never thought that this would be me, so it's really hard to wrap my brain around it!

The most exciting news of the visit was during our sonogram. Our tech was able to immediately tell what gender Pow was, and after a little shaking and bouncing we were able to wake Boom Boom enough to show us the goods. She told us that she was pretty certain of the genders and could tell us what they were today, unless we wanted to wait for our 18-20 week checkup. Ummmm...today please!

Since I am being reprimanded by my family and friends for not providing them with weekly bump updates (lol), I am going to let you guess what we are having. It's all in the outfit!

 

We are having...TWO BOYS!!!

They definitely have penises! No mistaking! Did you know that a plural form of penis is penes? Just thought that I'd humor you with that little piece of useless info. We are so excited and are so blessed. After almost 7 years, God has blessed us with two boys. Unbelievable. I am still praying for all of my blog buddies who are still being tortured by the infertility gods. Keep your faith and NEVER GIVE UP.

I started feeling them move earlier this week...at first I was like, what the hell is that? It feels like little bubbles popping and light brushes right now. I confirmed it with my doppler when I felt that same sensation whenever the heartbeats would drift away, meaning they were moving around. Such an amazing feeling.

Here are the penis pics...they were flopping in the wind on the monitor, but unfortunately the pictures come out grainy and it's hard to make anything out. The perspective is as if you are looking up at their butts. The arrows are pointing towards the penises.

Here's a picture of them side by side...they can't fit them in the same picture anymore. I had to rotate the picture because they are floating upside down.

 Little boys! Pow is Twin A, Boom Boom is twin B.

Sooo, time to start thinking about names, the nursery, and we get to shop for clothes now! Yay! Thank you God for blessing us. 

We're having penes! So grateful!

12w0d...and a free 3-d ultrasound!

Our RE was training staff on 3-D/4-D ultrasounds today, so they asked if I wanted to be a guinea pig! I said heck yeah...of course! Who would turn that down? They were all up in there for about an hour and a half and it really was awesome to see the babies at such an early stage. The pictures are kind of hard to make out, but I can assure you that it looked much better on the screen! We thought that they would look like aliens, but they're actually starting to look like little...babies. Unbelievable.

They *think* that Boom Boom is a boy, and Pow is a girl. It is still very early and these are definitely guesses, but we did see an appendage in between Boom Boom's legs, and never really saw anything with Pow. One of each...that would definitely be a blessing! We will find out for sure in three weeks!

The nurse practitioner said that they look perfect...no apparent defects, great bone structure, spine, brain, hearts...and lots of wiggly arms and legs to match! We are so lucky!

Here is the 2-D of them spooning each other. Boom Boom is measuring 12w2d and Pow 12w4d. They both had heart rates of 159!

Here is Boom Boom! They think that he is a boy. He was still chill like last time and kept his arms crossed while intermittently sucking his thumb. It was difficult to get a clear view of him, but he is facing forward and it almost looks like his chin is resting on his arm. They nicknamed him "The Football Player".

They think that Pow is a girl! She was still using my uterus as a trampoline and showing off the entire time. They nicknamed her "The Ballerina". In the first pic she is facing us...you'll see in the second pic that she immediately turned around and mooned us! I think that we're going to have our hands full with this one!

Here is the pic where they think that Boom Boom is a boy. It could be part of the umbilical cord, or it could be a penis. Head is at the bottom, then torso, point at bottom is penis? The two dots on each side are knee caps. The disconnected gray area is the umbilical cord. Who knows!

Annnnd... the 12 week bump

We're technically not out of the first trimester until the end of this week, but we've started opening up more about this pregnancy. I think that we both feel comfortable enough with telling people now. Like my sister said, the more prayers the better! Sooo, we are lifting the no-talk rule. I think that a lot of people have been scared to approach us about it, but we're in a much better place now. Thank you all so much for respecting our wishes during these nerve-racking 12 weeks! I have a few close friends fighting the infertility battle, so out of respect for them I don't plan on making the annoying "I'm pregnant" facebook announcement. I don't mind people writing on my page about it, but don't look for an official status update from me. That is all. So grateful!

Because of your faith, it will happen. 

Matthew 9:29

The Bump

This can't be real life. We've waited for this moment for such an incredibly long time...so long that I was almost sure that I would never experience what most normal creatures of Earth can. Earlier this year, I wrote a post about Faith and it gives me chills to go back and read it. There are reasons that our lives are put into holding patterns at one time or another. God knows the purposes for His delays. If we remain faithful, He will reward us with something MUCH bigger and MUCH greater.

That, my friends, is where we are at. If we wouldn't have been through 6+ years of infertility hell, blocked tubes, endometriosis, epileptic sperm, two surgeries, seven failed IUIs, two failed IVFs, a miscarriage, countless fights, millions of tears, and a mountain of debt...we wouldn't be where we are today. We are being doubly blessed with two babies. Two.

I continue to pray every day for all of my real life and blog friends who continue to struggle. I still feel the sting whenever someone announces their pregnancy...that will never, ever go away. I'm still having a hard time believing that this is real...I think that I have brainwashed myself into thinking that I'm not good enough to experience motherhood. I feel like someone has been holding my head underwater for the past six years and I'm pretty sure that it has done quite a bit of psychological damage. We have spent over HALF of our marriage fighting this evil, and grieving every single month that passes without a child. If we have made it through this, then I'm pretty sure that we can make it through anything! I hope that our story serves as an inspiration to others to NEVER GIVE UP.

That is what I call a plan much bigger than we could ever imagine.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! 

Isaiah 43: 18-19 

7w1d

 8w0d

9w0d

10w0d

11w0d

42w3d. Lol.

We've Graduated!

Today was our first OB appointment at 10w1d. Everything went really well! I have been going to him for years, so he has been with us every step of the way. He and his wife actually did sixteen IUIs before becoming pregnant through IVF. Yes, sixteen. It definitely helps to have an OB who has walked the crappy road of infertility.

He said that once we make it to 11-12 weeks, there is an excellent chance (95%) that this pregnancy will progress normally. Well, normally for twins anyway. He said that twins are always considered high risk and that wonky things can happen down the road, but for now he is going to treat us as a "normal" pregnancy as long as things are looking good. I will have more sonograms than with a singleton. He will start out at every 4 weeks, and then it will go to every 2 weeks in the third trimester.

My RE told me to stop taking my estrogen and progesterone, cold turkey, at 9 weeks. I never did. Come to find out, my satellite RE and OB want me to stay on everything until 11 weeks and then wean myself over the course of a week. I should be off everything by 12 weeks when the placentas are producing enough on their own. It is normal practice to stay on the meds longer if you have SCH. Awesome, RE. Awesome. I wonder what would have happened if I would have quit cold turkey last week? Be your own advocate people. So, cheers to another 2 weeks of PIO in the ass cheeks.

We didn't take a video today because we realized that whoever is taking the video can't actually watch the ultrasound. So, we decided to just chill out and enjoy the babies! Hematomawhore is almost gone. The tech said that I might spot a little more in the coming weeks, but that it should resolve soon. Boom Boom decided he wanted to sleep the whole time, whereas Pow was using my uterus as a trampoline! It was so cool! She would take her leg and push off the wall and fly backwards. Such a miracle. We are humbled by God's blessings!

Boom Boom is measuring 11w0d with a heart rate of 170

Pow is measuring 10w2d with a heart rate of 180. She is probably mid-flip in this picture.

Here they are together!

The tech gave us a little perspective today. They are side by side in my uterus...if you are facing me, Pow is on the R side and Boom Boom on the L. Just like the picture above. Pow is considered Baby A because she is closer to my cervix, therefore she will be most likely to deliver first. But, they will move around the entire pregnancy.

Our next appointment is September 22...BUT, we get to sneak in the free 3-D ultrasound in two weeks...so excited!

They....Move!

Our 9w1d ultrasound was pretty incredible this morning. Our babies can...move! Their little nubs were kicking and waving, and their heads were moving around as well! It had to have been the coolest thing we have ever seen in our lives. We've waited so long for this moment. We tried to get a good video, but it's kind of hard to tell because our doctor kept moving the dildo cam around. Hematomawhore is still there, but the twins are quickly taking over her space. She is measuring the same, so it is a good thing that she has not grown any larger. Kick her ass out of there Boom Boom and Pow!

We went to our satellite doctor this morning who has been somewhat negative towards us in the past. However, he had nothing but positive words this morning. He had a smile on his face and said that they look like very healthy babies. Yay!

Their measurements were kind of wonky when compared to last week's, but that is because they were done on two separate machines by two different doctors.

Boom Boom is measuring 9w4d with a heart rate of 173! Hematomawhore is between them.

Pow is still hiding back there and measuring 9w0d with a heart rate of 175!

If you watch very closely, you can see them move! They're alive...eeek! Please ignore my redneck accent.

A lot of you have been asking for baby bump pics, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to go there yet! I still want to make sure this is the real deal! I promise that I will post them eventually. There is definitely a rising growing down there...so exciting. I can't even bring myself to buy anything maternity yet...and I can barely pull my pants up. Lol. Oh well. Maybe I'll get a belly band this weekend.

Andy is letting me eat Waffle House tonight...woohoo! No fruits or veggies! Ahhhhh. Peace out!

Hematomawhore

Well, I thought that she had finished making her existence known a couple of weeks ago, but she decided to rear her ugly head again this weekend. I had some more bleeding, but this time it was just dark brown. Thankfully, I haven't seen any bright red like last time. From what I've been told, this is normal for SCH and is a good sign because it is "old blood". I will probably have bleeding like this until she is GONE. I hope that she is going away soon. Until then, I will just have to continue to take it easy. Grrr.

I wonder...could this just be creeping up from my ultrasound last Thursday? Apparently they are going to disturb Hematomawhore with the dildo cam every week and cause me to bleed. I'm pretty sure that the vajayjay suppositories every night aren't helping matters either. I cannot wait until I can start having abdominal ultrasounds.

I should finish up my PIO injections, prometrium suppositories, and estrogen this week. My next ultrasound is this Thursday! If all goes well, I get released to the land of normal women. My clinic stops all medicine at 9 weeks. I asked them if they were going to check my levels to make sure that my body was producing enough on its own, but they said no. No?? Is this normal practice? It seems that most of my blog friends are on this stuff through 11-12 weeks. I'm going to ask my regular OB if he would recommend I continue it for a little longer.

The PIO injections are literally a pain in the butt, but if they keep Boom Boom and Pow alive I will do whatever I have to do. My butt cheeks are so swollen and painful to the point of where I can't sit, walk, or lay down at night! It really is like injecting molasses in your butt cheeks every day, and Andy has been giving them to me since the first of July. Ouchy!

Spongebob keeps me company though. I trusted Andy to grab some band aids at the store, and this is what I'm stuck with every morning.

Classy.

8w1d Ultrasound

We went to Charleston this morning to check on Boom Boom, Pow, and their evil stepsister Hematomawhore. The babies are still alive! High five!

Hematomawhore is still there, but since the sacs are bigger it is smushed to the side and more oblong. My doctor said it is a good thing that I haven't had anymore bleeding and that it will probably eventually resolve itself. He mentioned that only a small percentage of women miscarry from it. Since mine was diagnosed early and was small to begin with, he feels that if something was going to happen it would have by now. Side note: we all know that if it only happens 1% of the time, Andy and I have always fallen on that side of the odds, so we're still going to be a bit cautious, ha! Of course he said that I don't need to overdo it, and it would be best if I continue to take it easy. He made me feel better after he said that walking around a little bit wouldn't hurt the situation, and laying in bed for the entire pregnancy wouldn't help either. There is absolutely nothing we can do to fix it...we just have to trust that it will heal itself! His advice was, "If you start to spot again, go home and rest for the day. That's all you can do."

Okey doke.

On to more exciting news...the babies have doubled in size! We couldn't believe how much they've grown in just one week. They both measured 8w5d, so well ahead of schedule. We didn't get to listen to their hearts this time, but it was more than obvious watching them flicker on the screen. Such a miracle! So far, I have had no bleeding today from this ultrasound!

We go back to our satellite doctor in Augusta next Tuesday or Thursday...I'm waiting on them to call me with the appointment. That will be our final checkup at 9 weeks. If all goes well, I get to stop all of these dang medicines and will be released to the world where normal pregnancies reside. I called my OB to schedule my first appointment with him which will be August 25. I should be 10 weeks. I don't know how I'm going to handle a world where they are oblivious to infertility and IVF! I had to explain to the girl two times that I did IVF and the reason I have waited so long to call them was because I'm still under the care of my RE! Her question, "Did you have a positive pregnancy test?" Oh. My. God. Girl, if you only knew. Once upon a time in the year 2005...

My RE did tell us that we may be referred to a high-risk OB, but that our OB will make that decision after our first visit with him. The last words he said to us were, "Make sure you bring those babies back to me so that I can see them." All smiles:)

One more exciting piece of news...my Augusta RE called this afternoon and said that they are training staff to do 3-D ultrasounds and want to know if I would like to be a guinea pig! Um, hell yes! It will be in September when I am 12 weeks. They'll probably look like little aliens, but how awesome is that? So excited! I wonder if you can see gender that early. Anybody know?

Here are today's pics!

Boom Boom in the big sac, Pow is deeper and bottom right, and Hematomawhore is top right. My doctor drew a little picture of how Boom Boom is positioned, lol. They have legs and arms now!

Pow is still hiding and harder to see. Hematomawhore/placental separation is above him.

Tried to get a picture of both of them at the same time...Pow is being difficult! His sac looks smaller because it is a bad angle.

I can't believe this may really happen!

Bedrest Is...Awesome.

Aside from my lower back killing me from starting at the ceiling for five days straight, I would have to say that things are going pretty well. I thought that the bleeding had stopped yesterday, but then noticed some light brown when I went to the bathroom a little bit ago. Still, it's a lot better than it was. No bright red since last Wednesday. I'm going to attempt to go back to work tomorrow (after I call my nurse) and see how things go. If it comes back, I'm headed back to the bed until it resolves again. I will be eternally pissed off if, after all we have been through, lose these babies from placental separation. Damn SCH. Just my luck! Grrrr.

Andy has been home all weekend and has fixed the four of us some delectable treats! I have been having serious hunger pangs about once an hour. My stomach feels like it is eating itself! These babies are bottomless pits! Andy keeps a pretty good check on my diet, but I like to sneak in some junk every once in awhile. Like that entire bag of cool ranch Doritos yesterday. Then the bag of popcorn and popsicles today. He did give in and let me have pancakes last night. One of these days I'll sneak away to the Mexican Restaurant.

Here are some Andy meals from my week in bed:

Yogurt & granola with strawberries/blueberries, english muffins with melted colby jack

 Veggie/Fruit/Cheese Plate...I spit the cauliflower back out

Annnddd....Poor Griswold. On me like white on rice.

Welp, that's about all for now. Gonna eat some dinner and pass back out. Again, thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. This too shall pass!

SCH Update

So far so good, I hope! I haven't really moved since Wednesday. I need to shower and shave, like bad. Oh well, I'll do whatever I have to do for the babies!

I have continued to spot, but it is no longer bright red. It is dark brown/sludgy and varies in amount. There seems to be a little bit more in the mornings, I guess because of the nasty Prometrium suppositories making their way out. During the course of the day, the flow decreases. I am excited to see anything but bright, oxygenated, thriving red blood. I am still feeling little twinges and cramps, but it kind of scares me now! Evil SCH. Get away from my babies and go far, far away!

I have been talking back and forth with my nurse and giving her daily updates. She is optimistic and told us to come to Charleston for another ultrasound next Thursday to make sure everything is okay in there! This is a relief because we won't have to wait and wonder another two weeks. We will also be able to see if the SCH has decreased in size.

Thank you all so much for you positive and reassuring stories about SCH...I have been reading through the blogs you have referred me to and it makes me feel so much better knowing that everything will probably be okay!

I am laying down for the majority of the day, and staying extra hydrated. Andy has been treating me to breakfast in bed every morning, and my parents have been bringing me lunch. I am to call my nurse on Monday with an update, and will hopefully be allowed to go back to work next week if the spotting goes away. Until then, I will stay glued to the bed/couch and catching up on my DVR. Please keep the prayers coming!

Boom Boom and Pow are Alive!

I'm glued to my couch while typing this because I'm officially on bed rest at 7 weeks. Lol. It's not really funny, but you didn't think I could get through a pregnancy drama free, right? Story of my life. Anyway, I went to my mom's house to surprise her with the ultrasound pics this morning. I went to use the bathroom and noticed bright red blood when I wiped. Of course, my heart stopped for what felt like 10 minutes. I immediately called my nurse and she told me it was probably nothing to worry about and to go home and rest. Well, I did just that and it got worse and worse. To the point of dripping in the toilet (TMI) like a full blown period.

I wasn't having any cramping, so I tried not to overreact and just laid back down to rest. It has gradually slowed throughout the afternoon, so that makes me feel a little better. My nurse and doctor called this afternoon after they received the actual ultrasound pics from Augusta. They said that I have a subchorionic hematoma in my uterus underneath the corner of the placentas that is probably the cause of the bleeding. It was described to me as a "cut" in my uterus from the placentas attaching that will hopefully eventually heal. There is nothing I did to cause this, nor is there anything I can do but rest. I don't need to aggravate it further since it can cause placental problems. Geez.

Has anyone else had this issue? Bright red bleeding and all? Need a little reassurance here! No scary stories please. I am to call my nurse first thing in the morning to give her an update. I can't go back to work until it stops and they make sure that all is well in there.

So, I'm going to stay positive here and share the videos/pics from this morning. This is all in God's hands and out of our control. Boom Boom and Pow are little rockstars! I was laughing and beast crying at the same time in the videos, so please forgive the shaking. Poor Andy was crying too. It was the most awesome experience ever! I couldn't even look at first...as soon as she stuck the dildo cam in I heard her say, "There's a heartbeat!" I opened my eyes and looked at the screen and saw the little heart fluttering away! She then moved to another position and sure enough there was another baby with a heartbeat! So flippin' cool!
 

Here's the first video with the two sacs. If you look below the sacs, you will see a smaller dark spot. That is the hematoma. It is pretty far away from the actual babies, so that is a good thing I hope.

Here is the second video with the heartbeats...best sound EVER:

Baby B (Boom Boom) is on the front R side and measuring 7w1d with a heart rate of 151!

Baby A (Pow) was a little harder to get to. It's deeper in my uterus on the L side measuring 6w6d with a heart rate of 144!

Sorry for the crappy quality of the pics. I would scan them in, but I can't get off the couch and go in my computer room! Bummer.

Overall, this was the most exciting day of our lives, drama and all. It's gonna be all right. It has to. Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers! Please remember if you know me in real life that we're still keeping this "hush hush" until we make it through the first trimester. Thanks so much!

TWINS!!!!!!!!

Still freaking out right now! On my way to work, so I will post the pics and video tonight when I get off! We are ecstatic! Baby A's heart rate was 144, and B's was 151! Both babies look great and are measuring on time. Eeeeeek! Thank you for all of the prayers...God is so good!!!!


**Update** Will not be headed to work after all. I started spotting right after I put this post up, freaked out, and called my nurse. She is not concerned and said that it's very normal to spot with twins and especially after an ultrasound. She thinks it may be vaginal, cervical, or from a small bruise I had inside of my uterus. I hope she's right! She told me to stay off my feet for the rest of the day and call if the bleeding became heavy. I am to call her tomorrow morning with an update. I've heard about women spotting, but it's a a bit unnerving when it happens to you! I just saw 2 amazing heartbeats, so I'm sure that everything is fine:) I better go pull out a couple of rolls of TP because I'm sure that checking for blood will be my obsession today.

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock....

Tomorrow is the day we have anticipated for over 6 years. I think that I let the worrying get the best of me this week, but then reminded myself that this is completely out of our hands. Whatever will be will be.

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments, prayers, and well wishes. I think that I would be curled up in a ball pulling my hair out if we didn't have the support of our family, friends, and this blog! Also, hello to my new followers. Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to read about our crazy life, ha!

8 a.m.

Eeek! God, please bless us with a heartbeat this time!

I'm going to go pass out now. Maybe that will make tomorrow get here faster!