Tuesday, April 27, 2010

WTFFFFFFFF?

Sorry it has taken me so long to write about our WTF appointment...we got back into town late last night, and I am just now able to sit down and write about it! There were a lot of details so I am going to do my best to remember everything that our doctor said. I will do my best to keep it organized and not ramble! We had an entire list of questions in my head to ask him and surprisingly enough he answered all of them without us even having to ask! Hmph, you would think he does this for a living;)

First things first, we never went back to our Augusta doctor to hear the pathology results from the D & C, so he was able to give us all of that information. The pathologist only found placental tissue and there was no evidence of embryonic development. He termed it a Blighted Ovum, which is the cause of about 50% of first trimester miscarriages and is usually the result of chromosomal problems. Click here to read more about it. Basically, the embryo implanted and grew placental tissue and a yolk sac, but the embryo itself never developed. We do not know if it was a boy or a girl.

He went on to explain to us that we are obviously dealing with both male factor and female factor infertility. I can't remember Andy's actual sperm counts, but the motility was 6% for IVF #1 and 20% with IVF #2. In a normal sperm analysis, this number represents the percentage of sperm that swim forward and should be >50%. Obviously if they can't swim forward then they're not getting to an egg anytime soon. He describes Andy as having a variable sperm quality...it's great one day and not so great the next.

On the other hand, he spoke with the embryologist about my eggs before he met with us yesterday morning. They both feel that I'm not producing the quantity of eggs that I should for my age, and the ones that I do produce are not developing into the quality of embryo that they expect to see in the first few days of development. IVF #1 they retrieved 8 eggs and 1 fertilized with ICSI. IVF #2 they retrieved 12 eggs and 7 fertilized with ICSI. A normal 31 year old should produce better quality eggs than I am spitting out. He doesn't blame these problems on us or any events in our lives...they are out of our control. It is just unexplained infertility.

He brought up the fact that we have only made it to a 3 day transfer. The only embryo that has ever made it to blastocyst stage for a Day 5 transfer was the one that stuck with IVF #2. Also, none of the others have ever made it far enough to freeze for a frozen cycle. They kind of get to day 4 and arrest.

He said that there is still a chance that we can be successful by using our own egg and sperm, but the chances of that happening are much lower than originally thought. I guess this is the beauty of practicing medicine...you live and you learn. There are other options that would give us a better chance. He asked us if we wanted his honest opinion and of course we said yes.

He feels that we would have a much better chance by using an egg donor and Andy's sperm. He said that the egg usually leads or dominates when it comes to fertilization, so he doesn't think that Andy's sperm would be an issue if we could just get a better quality egg. We told him that we had actually been discussing switching to donor. At this point we would like for our child to be biological, but it is not a deal breaker. Besides, if Andy's sperm worked then the baby would at least be half of us.

Here are the success rates he quoted to us:

  • IVF #3 with our own egg/sperm: estimated 25-30% (Originally 60-65%)
  • IVF #3 with donor egg: 65%
To put things into perspective, I'm going to have to bring up the financial aspect of this and I'm sorry...but it's a fact of fertility treatments. If you remember, we purchased the shared risk package which gave us 3 fresh and 3 frozen IVF cycles for a set fee excluding medications, monitoring, and anesthesia. Since we have had no frozen embryos, we have lost 2 frozen cycles already. This leaves us 1 fresh and 1 frozen cycle. We can choose to do the remaining cycle, but we would have to come up with an additional $5000 to cover meds/monitoring. If we don't want to do the remaining cycle, we can cancel our contract and get 70% of our initial fee refunded. The way we look at it, we only have 1 shot and we don't want to waste it on something that only gives us a 25% chance as opposed to a 65% chance. We would rather put that $5000 towards the 65%!

We were able to talk to the financial department and the egg donor coordinator to get additional information on how it all works. The company that we purchased the package through also offers a shared risk egg donor cycle. There were so many different options that it made our heads spin, but the most appealing was a package that offers 3 split donor cycles and unlimited frozen transfers for a set fee (which costs quite a bit more because we are using a donor). If you don't take home a baby from the hospital after all of these cycles, they offer a 100% refund. All medications and monitoring for the egg donor are covered in this fee.

Here is our reasoning, if this makes any sense. The egg donor fee costs basically the same amount as it does to adopt. If we were to do this and it didn't work, we would be able to get all of our money back and be financially able to adopt. We would be able to say that we tried everything that we possibly could and there would be no what-ifs. I know there are a lot of people that wonder why we don't "just adopt". First off, it's an extremely complicated process...a lot more complicated than "just adopt". Last time I checked, we weren't millionaires, this wasn't Hollywood, and our names weren't Brad and Angelina.  Secondly, I don't think we should be deprived of experiencing the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth if there is a good chance that this could work. I don't believe that adoption is a "quick fix" for infertility...the pain of all of this will always be there. I can promise you that. Anyway, that's a whole different discussion...I'll save that one for later! You have to give your heart 100% to adoption and we are not quite there yet.

After speaking with the nurse egg donor coordinator, we got a better understanding on how the entire process works. They have single donor and split donor cycles. In a single donor cycle, the girl gives one couple all of the eggs she produces in an IVF cycle. In a split donor cycle, they choose girls that have a higher follicle count. She usually produces 20+ eggs in a single cycle and they are split between two couples. This choice is much cheaper because you split the cost with another couple.

The donors remain anonymous and never know the outcome of the cycle. They undergo extensive genetic and psychological testing as well as testing for infectious diseases, STD's, cystic fibrosis, etc. If we decide to go this route, we would have to fill out paperwork that lists what we are looking for in a donor. We can be as vague or as specific as we want. She said that it is typically a 5-6 month waiting period to be matched with a donor that fits your profile. Once matched the ball starts rolling pretty quickly, so we have to have all of our ducks in a row financially. We wouldn't be able to apply for the shared risk program until we've been matched with a donor, but she says they usually don't turn anyone down. They just want to make sure that my uterus is healthy, and my uterus has always been beautiful. It's just those damn ovaries and eggs that give me a fit.

Oh goodness, this turned into a ramble. I'm sorry, but there was so much information. I know I am probably forgetting some things, but I just wanted to go ahead and post so that I wouldn't leave you all hangin'! We aren't making any decisions now. We're going to take some time to think everything through. We do know that there will be some huge changes to our life if we decide to go through with it because the money has to come from somewhere! We're already throwing around a few ideas, but I'll elaborate on that when the time comes.

We're a little disappointed with the news, but excited at the same time. Deep down we knew what he was going to tell us, so that made it a little easier for us to prepare. Also, I'm relieved to know about what happened to our pregnancy which does give me some closure.

We have a lot to think about now, so please pray for us! Advice is welcome from anyone that has ever dealt with an anonymous egg donor/split cycle. We would like to thank everyone again for your love and support...it means more than you will ever know. We will keep you all updated!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

This T-Shirt is Pretty Much Awesome Thursday


I've already featured a T-Shirt with a Uterus that is shopping, and now I've found a Uterus taking a bubble bath. I mean, like, WTF? Lol hard.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

This T-Shirt Isn't Funny Tuesday

Gosh, T-shirt Tuesday and Thursday rolls around fast! I've got to find more shirts so that I can keep up! I hope you all are liking them. Next Monday is our WTF appointment, so I'll have more to talk about after that. Actually, my blog friend Amanda said it should be called the WTFFFFFFFFFF appointment...I concur!


Oh, you poor thing. What an inconvenience! Once again, I'll trade you!

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Today Show Segment

 One of my blog friends, Waiting for a Baby Bump, was featured on The Today Show in this awesome segment titled, "The Struggle to get Pregnant". It focuses on the psychological impact of infertility on ourselves and our relationships, and shines a light on the daily struggles of a person experiencing infertility. Also, please check out her blog by clicking on the link above...she's great!

You Go Girl! Thanks for being our voice and raising awareness!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

WTF? Save the Date!


 We finally set up a date to have our 350,982,374,598th WTF appointment with our RE in Charleston. We are ready to get answers and explore ALL options. Our plan is to let him know that we don't want to do the last cycle in our IVF package if there are issues with egg quality or genetic problems. I refuse to waste more money if he believes that the probability of it working with our own egg & sperm is low! This will basically be our last chance unless we win the lottery, so we want to go with what gives us the best chances of conceiving. 

Of course, it's only natural that I want to experience pregnancy and give birth...so we're okay with our child not being biological if donor egg/sperm is the road we have to choose. Then we would have to look into the cost of donor to see if it is even feasible. If it is not feasible, then we are going to start begging people to see if anyone wants to get knocked up and give us their baby. Just kidding. At this point, we just want to be parents. Something has to go right one way or another!

We will also get the pathology reports from my D & C. This will tell us if our angel baby was a boy/girl and if there were any chromosomal defects. I never went to my follow-up appointment after the D&C because I just wasn't ready to hear it...especially from my Augusta doctor because he is the one who performed my D&C and I am not very fond of him at this moment. I'm probably not ready to hear it now, but it's time to get this show on the road. We need to figure out why it hasn't happened for us in all of the time we have been trying.

The weird thing about this appointment? It is exactly one year since our initial consultation at this clinic. One year since we proudly walked in and thought that IVF was going to be the answer to all of our problems. Now we've opened up a whole new can of whoop-ass. Please pray that our doctor can give us answers and renew our hope!

This T-Shirt Isn't Funny Tuesday

And now ladies, I present to you another weekly edition featuring T-Shirts that your average woman who is having trouble getting pregnant would want to rip off of someone, cut into little pieces, and put a match to!
Seriously? Who cares if you look fat...pregnancy is beautiful and you're going to be blessed with a baby and that's all that matters! I'll tell you what, I'll trade you my gym membership for your baby so that you can go do something about that fat arse. Deal?

Friday, April 9, 2010

What if Your Next IVF Cycle was Free?

This is the title of an email I received from RESOLVE last week. For those of you who don't know what RESOLVE is, it is an online community that provides support, education, and advocacy to the 7.3 million Americans who suffer with the disease of infertility.

April 24 - May 1, 2010 is National Infertility Awareness Week. In light of this, RESOLVE will present its 1st Annual Family Building Conference on May 1, 2010 in Atlanta. This conference will feature keynote speakers and workshops. It will address the medical, emotional, social, financial, and legal issues associated with infertility and adoption.

There will also be over $50,000 in FREE giveaways, including acupuncture treatments, consultations, yoga sessions, a free IVF cycle, and a free frozen donor egg cycle.

Andy and I figured we would sign up to attend...it can't hurt. Plus, we will probably learn a lot...and winning a free cycle wouldn't be too shabby. It would be an answer to our prayers.

I just thought that I would let all of my blogger friends know in case you are in the area! If you click on the link above, it will take you to the website for more information and how to register. If you are not in the Southeast, you can go to your local RESOLVE chapter and find out when they will host one near you.
 

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

This T-Shirt is Pretty Much Awesome Thursday


Who needs friends when you can go shopping with your Uterus?

Monday, April 5, 2010

This T-shirt Isn't Funny Tuesday

I thought that I would start a new weekly theme by featuring T-shirts that your average woman who is having trouble getting pregnant would want to rip off of someone, cut into little pieces, and put a match to! To balance it out, I might feature T-shirts that I actually think are funny/truthful on Thursdays. We'll see how it goes!

Anything to help me pass the time since all Andy and I do after work and gym is sit on our respective couches and stare at each other! I think I need another IVF cycle to keep me occupied...sike! My poor uterus and brain need a little bit longer to recover from that trauma.


Or better yet...let's put it on an actual baby.
Even mannequins can grow a baby bump. I'm jealous of a frickin' mannequin. Geez.
With all due respect, I hope that these would make my fertile friends cringe too.They're just so...classy.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Chocolate and a Diabetic Coma

We obviously couldn't figure out how to put the color tablets into the corresponding bowl...

 Our cute little eggs...we even made one for Ellie May, and some for our imaginary children. We're losers.

The candy that I've been waiting to eat for 6 weeks...It's almost gone. I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach right now!

Andy and his cute little Easter basket

We hope everyone had a Happy and Blessed Easter!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Hippity Hop Hop

This is the funniest Easter commercial of all time. I look it up every year so that I can laugh hysterically and then attempt to sing it at a comparable pitch and annoy Andy people.



I gave up chocolate/sweets for Lent this year, so Sunday is a pretty big deal for me. Let's forget about the fact that I cheated after the race last Sunday by eating a cupcake, blueberry pancakes, and Cold Stone Creamery Birthday Remix ice cream in a waffle cone. Jesus and I already talked about it and he says we're cool.

I CANNOT WAIT to get my hands on

This

This

And this

Little boy better share, whoever he is. 
That is all.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

How to be Good Friends with an Infertile

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankrolls smaller, homes happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for." ~Unknown

This month marks five years since I stopped taking birth control and Andy and I began this journey. Wow, FIVE years. That's 60 months of negative pee sticks, well, make that 59 since our dream almost came true this past Christmas. I still can't believe that this is our reality!

I came across the following article by another blogger and it really hit home. She gives advice on how to handle us infertiles at our best and at our worst. Sadly, our entire situation has negatively impacted some relationships/friendships because people just don't know what to say or how to act. It's just very hard to understand when you are an outsider looking in...some people wish that they could help, while others minimize our problem and look at it like it's not a big deal. I agree that infertility is taboo and talking about it makes people very uncomfortable, so I'm glad that I started this blog! It has definitely helped me to be more open and get everything off my chest, and hopefully shed some light for our friends and family instead of shutting them out. If you are still here and reading our blog, then we thank you from the bottom of our hearts! We're so grateful to have loyal friends and family that really care!

I would put myself in the "long term/tricky beast" category at this point, haha! Unfortunately, I have been there for awhile now. I'm learning to handle it a little better now, but I still have my bad days...usually when my period comes and I realize we've failed yet another month. Or when I log onto facebook and see nothing but pregnancy announcements. And pregnancy tickers. And cute little happy family pics. Or when I'm driving behing somebody that has a stick figure family on the back window of their car. Lol. You get the gist! Maybe I will progress to the "older timers" once we get some answers and have closure. Just a heads up...she drops an "F" bomb in the article. She's classy just like me! Enjoy, and let me know what you think about it!