Infertility Awareness

A blog friend of mine, Kim, recently posted these tear jerkers on her blog. I thought that I would share them with you all in case you haven't seen them either. The first is a video that gave me chills...I've never heard of the singer, but it is very touching to say the least.






The second is a video created for Infertility Awareness by a couple who share our struggles:


Tears and Hope



Thanks to Kim for sharing these! Feel free to post them on your blogs as well...we need to raise awareness on infertility!


Maybe I'll go to D.C. one day...hmmm.

A New Adventure...Part 2.

We got hitched...again!

Valentine's Day was a pretty special day for us this year. We were able to renew our vows during church yesterday! It was pretty emotional, to say the least. I started beast crying because all I could think of was everything we've been through and survived the last 12 years that we've been together. I mean, how did we do it?!?

We were just babies when we got married...well, I was a baby. He was robbing the cradle...ha! I had just turned 22 and he was 27. We met 3 years earlier and got engaged New Years Eve 2000. Yes, at midnight when everyone was afraid that all of the computers were going to crash and it would be the end of the world! Yeah right. Anyway, we were engaged for a year and a half before we married May 19, 2001.

We met while working at a pizza restaurant together when I was attending USC. Our original plans were to elope to Vegas when we FIRST met...like the FIRST WEEK we dated...thank God we had enough sense to wait. We were extremely wild and carefree in the early days and had a little too much fun together. As a matter of fact, we still do. I knew from the moment I met Andy that I was going to marry him. My family believed otherwise because I was so young, but I knew.

It was after we married that we decided to go back to school and actually finish this time. We both worked full time together at a grocery store while we were in school full time. I then took on an additional job at a nursing home while I was working on my RN. We never, ever saw each other and it really sucked. It was a very stressful time in our marriage. Our main goal was to finish school so that we could have degrees before we started trying to have kids...and that's exactly what we did. Andy graduated in December 2004 and I graduated in May 2005. You all know the rest of the story.

Back to the vow renewal...the entire church service focused on renewal and recommitment in our lives. Below is an excerpt from the sermon:

In marriage, like in all of our relationships, there is always a need for renewal. Marriage is not easy. We can focus on the bad and let that define the relationship.

Have you run out of the good stuff? Everything in our lives starts out with the best stuff we have to give. In our careers, we pour the very best we have in the beginning. This is also true of our relationships with Christ. In our marriages, somewhere along the way, we run out of the good stuff and don't have what it takes to go on. What do you do? You do what God tells you to do.

Our pastor spoke of his marriage and the tough times that he and his wife have made it through. He and his wife became pregnant very shortly after they married. Eighteen months into their marriage, she was six months pregnant with their second child. This was so stressful on their relationship that she packed up and moved to a different state to live with her parents for a few weeks. They just couldn't take it anymore. Their marriage ultimately survived, and they are now stronger than ever and happily married with four children.

So, as we were renewing our vows, all of these thoughts kept running through my head. I am amazed by the irony of it all and how all of us perceive the challenges that we are faced with in our lives. What one person may take for granted, another may yearn for...be it love, health, money, children, etc.

The stress in their marriage was caused by children...the stress in our marriage is caused by the lack thereof.

So what do we do? We do what God tells us to do. We haven't been the best at going to church throughout our entire relationship...we have always said that we'd make a habit of it once we had kids, but, well ya know. Then the whole not being able to have kids thing led to being somewhat angry at God and everything went downhill from there. In the past couple of months, something has led us to a wonderful church in our hometown for a reason. Maybe this is exactly what we need in our lives to help us to understand why things are the way they are. I'm not saying that God is punishing us for not going to church, but maybe infertility is His way of bringing us closer to Him.

We have had so many "signs" the last month in regards to what we need to do next on our journey. We still need to talk to our doctor in Charleston to discuss any options he has left for us, so I will keep you all updated on this. We want to weigh the pros and cons of EVERYTHING and go with what will give us the best possible chance of having our little family. We're trying to make an appointment to see him in March.

We have made it through almost 9 years of marriage, and the last 5 have brought us closer than ever. Sure, we've had more fights because of all the tension, but we have learned so much about each other. We almost ran out of the good stuff, but hopefully this new adventure will start putting the good stuff back into our life. If we've made it through all of this, then we're pretty much set for life.

Right after we started dating, November 1998

Wedding, May 2001

Wedding, May 2001

Honeymoon, May 2001

Photographer taking pictures after the vow renewal...I love this church, I don't have to dress up! I HATE dressing up. Happy Valentine's Day!

It's Award Time!

Awww! People really do like me! I was nominated for TWO awards. Yay! Thanks to Where's My Stork and Shanny at I did, I do, I will for these awesome awards. Go over and check these ladies out...they are wonderful friends who have supported us so much!

In order to accept this award I am supposed to say 7 unusual things about myself. Hmmm.

1. I used to have to "rock" myself to sleep. I have since overcome this, but it was a real issue in my younger years. I would lay on my right side and rock back and forth until I passed out...I couldn't go to sleep without this ritual. My mom tried to figure out for years why my 1988 poodle perm would never hold on the right side of my head, so she took me to have it permed EVERY 3 MONTHS. Crispy headed torture.

2. I used to pick my nose while I was rocking myself to sleep and had a booger collection on the backside of my mattress. My sister ratted me out to my parents and one of my friends and I was really embarrassed...about as embarrassed as I feel admitting this right now. I know, gross right? But you know you pick your nose too!

3. My original major was Broadcast Journalism. I wanted to be...don't laugh...an MTV VJ. I even proudly announced this to the Dean of Mass Communications in front of the entire freshman journalism class at USC. No shame. Move over Downtown Julie Brown.

4. I have really bad A.D.D. I try my best to concentrate, but I always get distracted (oooh shiny) and always forget to do things. I mean well...I really do. Even if you have to repeat what you just told me.

5. I absolutely love to cook, but I'm just not that good at it. I will never be my grandmother-in-law or Martha Stewart. My latest mishap occurred last week when I caught Andy's grilled cheese sandwich on fire. Before that, I caught a pot of boiled peanuts on fire because I forgot about them (A.D.D.) and all of the water evaporated.

6. I used to love writing poems and won a poetry competition a long time ago. My poem was published in some book. I don't even know which book (A.D.D.).

7. I tried to become a Youtube celebrity by making several cocktail induced dance videos. That didn't work out too well.

I have to pass this award on to 7 worthy bloggers! Stop by and check these girls out...they're awesome!

1. 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility
   
2. Busted Plumbing
   
3. The Pitter-Patter
4. Dreams of a Baby
5. Passenger Wanted
6. It's Never Me
7. My Elusive Baby
   

If you were nominated, this is what you need to do:


In a new post, thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog.

Paste the picture of the award somewhere in your post

List seven interesting facts about you

Nominate seven wonderful human beings to receive the award, providing links to their blogs.

__________________________________________________________

The Rules:

1- Thank and link the person that sent it to you.

2- Present this award to at least 5 people and explain why you chose them for this award.

3- Copy and paste the award on your blog

The 5 bloggers I nominate for this award are:

1. The A.R.T. of Baby Making
2. An Infertile Blog
3. Her Womb, Our Hearts
   
4. Remember All the Way
5. Fertility Chick

Thanks again Ladies!

All Signs Point to NO!

And now, ladies, I present to you a bulleted list of why I am pissed off today.

• I thought that I threw my knee out a few weeks ago while kickboxing. While I was doing one of my fancy kung fu leaps, it popped and sent a numbing sensation throughout my left leg. It was sore for a few days, but it's all good now. No worries.

• I then developed a hard lump that appeared over the shinbone of my right leg last week. Since I am an oncology nurse, I had myself convinced within 5 minutes that it was an osteosarcoma or metastatic melanoma. After being reassured that it was not cancer by one of the doctors in our practice, I was able to have an xray done in our radiology department to rule out a stress fracture. Thankfully, it was normal and my bones look beautiful...it is really cool to see your own bones! As it turns out, I just have a really bad shin splint or a soft tissue injury that will eventually resolve on its own.

• Today, I turn in my time off request at work so that I can participate in the Charleston Bridge Run. I was so excited. I've been training for over a month now and have already paid the entry fee. It is on a Saturday, but we have already paid for a place on the beach for the Friday before. Hey, it's Charleston...you have to stay on the beach, right? Plus, we can get up there early, register, and settle in for our 4:30 am alarm clock. I'm sure you can all guess where this is going...I was told that I couldn't have that Friday off because of some stupid class that they had JUST decided to send 2 nurses to on that day, so we will be short. This is a class that we have all been asking to take for years to help refresh our memories. Obviously, it hasn't been important enough for them to send us to...until today. Now it's soooo important. Figures.
  

Needless to say, I am upset. This is the one thing that has helped to ease my mind after the miscarriage. All of the exercise and anticipation of doing something that I've always wanted to do has really helped with my stress level. I was looking forward to actually taking a freakin' day off where I didn't have to deal with ultrasounds, needles, or eggs being sucked out of my ovaries. It's not like I was trying to take a day off to sit on my butt at home...it was for a legitimate reason for which I have already invested money and time in...and they know that I've been planning this for awhile. FAIL.

Annnnd this is exactly why Andy and I never plan anything anymore. Something always goes wrong. Let me present to you a bulleted list on how we should have handled things in order for this whole 10k to work out:

• "Oh Andy, guess what? The Bridge Run is going to be on 3/27 this year...wanna give it a go?" said Jessica. "Why sure," Andy ecstatically replied. "I think that would be a fantastic idea! It's January so we have plenty of time to train!"
• January...no training.
  
• February...no training.
• March...start training the week before.
  
• Andy and Jessica register for Bridge run on 3/25, three days after the deadline. After being told that it was too late to register, they drop kicked a few of the officials and had it taken care of.
• Jessica calls into work "sick" on 3/26 because she forgets to ask for time off.
• Drive to Charleston. Head to the beach and start knocking on condo doors until we find someone that's willing to rent theirs out.
• Go out the night before the race, eat a huge meal, and drink until 2am. Go play on the beach until 3am.
• Sleep through the 4:30 alarm, and wake up at 5:45 am. Throw on some jeans, a tee, and some dress shoes because we forgot to pack our running gear. Haul butt to the bridge, which is 30 minutes away. Park the car. Run and catch up to our group as the start gun fires.
  
• Try to run, but pass out a few times along the way. Stop at the top of the bridge and take self portraits. Feed the dolphins.
• Log roll down the last half of the bridge and into downtown Charleston. Finish the race in last place. Drop kick a few of the Olympic runners that came in first.
  

With everything that has gone on, maybe this is a sign that I shouldn't participate in the race. This may seem trivial to most and sorry for the vent, but I am so disappointed and annoyed! I was so looking forward to it and now I've paid for a place on the beach that I can't even enjoy on Friday. Everyone else can take off work every other day because their kids are sick...so why can't I have a "my kids are sick" day? Especially when I've asked for it almost two months in advance! Ugh.

Wordless Wednesday

"Be grateful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." ~Oprah