5 Weeks? I Hope!!!

As of today, I should technically be 5 weeks along. I still don't feel like this is real and I think that I have put up a wall to protect myself should we get bad news again! I know that everyone says not to worry...but seriously. The fear is there and it is real. It is never going to go away. Unless you have been through this before you have no idea the torture it puts you through! We have been going through this hell for over 6 years, and have spent every single day since January investing our time, money, and emotions into this very cycle. I do have faith, but deep in the back of my mind I don't want to let my guard down for fear of getting hurt again.

I also want to say thank you to my blog friends who are still reading and haven't deleted me from their blog roll yet. Believe me, I know how annoying it is to log on and have pregnancy thrown all in your face. Regardless of the outcome, the truth is I will always be infertile. A frickin' Veteran to infertility considering the time we've been fighting this battle. Pregnancy doesn't fix me, I just had a little an enormous amount of help getting here. I will be right back to where we started if we ever want to try for more kids (again...should this work out). My egg supply will still be null and void, and Andy's sperm will still be having seizures down the happy canal. I will never forget the raw emotions of this journey, nor will I forget my homies still struggling here in blogland! I pray that our story will give somebody hope. I pray everyday that we will ALL be blessed with what so many take for granted!

Andy has been feeding me well and is being very particular about my diet. I'm being spoiled with lots of fish (salmon, tilapia), fruits, veggies, and fresh smoothies. I even tried some wasabi edamame and thought that I was going to blow fire out of the other end. I better stick with the regular bean. If there's really a baby in there, then this is the most critical part of development and I have to make sure I'm eating well. I'm pounding about 2-3 liters of water a day, peeing like a rushing racehorse, and making sure that I keep up with my vitamins & folic acid. I've been passing out around 9 pm-ish every night and sleeping like a rock all through the night, with the exception of a pee break around 5 am every morning. It's like clockwork! I think that I had a little nausea this morning? Maybe it's all in my head, I don't know. I sure was proud of it though! I will gladly throw my guts up in a toilet, trashcan, on the floor...whatever, for 9 months if it means a baby in the end! Hopefully I won't eat my words, ha!

Anyway, two more days until our 3rd beta. I'm not sure what number they are looking for, but if I've calculated correctly, it should be well over 5,000 if things are progressing normally. I will find out on Friday when our first ultrasound will be...probably the following Friday when I am 6w2d. Until then, I hope that Boom Boom and/or Pow are alive and thriving! Sometimes I feel a random pinch on each side of my uterus, so I'd like to think that they are both snuggling in. All we can do is wait, Wait, WAIT!