A Dozen Eggs

We have 12 eggs!

I am feeling fine...just a little uncomfortable, but the pain meds are pretty sweet. I'm taking it easy and praying that we will get a good fertilization report in the morning. The embryologist said that they all look good under the microscope, but we won't know their true quality until tomorrow.

I got to meet my niece yesterday and I fell in love the second I laid eyes on her. This Aunt is going to spoil her rotten. My sister is doing really good...they get to come home today!

Just think, a dozen AndyJessicas are simmering in a petri dish at this very minute...please pray for us!

It's Jacko Time!

Just a quick update! I've got a lot to do before tomorrow!

My estrogen went from 1777 to 2700...my retrieval is set for early Saturday morning! Based this morning's ultrasound and labs, they estimate that there will be around 11 mature eggs. They also said that they are pleased because I have responded SO much better than last cycle. Thank you God.

Tonight, I will discontinue all of my other injections and do my HCG trigger shot at 10 p.m. sharp. Click here to see a previous blog entry explaining the importance of this injection.

I have to go back to my Augusta doctor once again tomorrow morning for labs. This is to make sure that my HCG level is sufficient and doing its job. We will hit the road after my appointment so that we can get settled in Charleston.

There will be one little pit stop along the way...well kind of out of the way, but who cares! I'm going to get to meet my niece before I'm on bedrest!

I should be feeling pretty good after my dose of Jacko on Saturday, so I'll post an update once we find out how many were retrieved. We'll be coming back home after surgery this time and waiting for them to call with our fertilization report. Waiting for that call is going to be pretty stressful. After 6 weeks of torturous and expensive medications combined with emotional kicks in the ass, it all comes down to that one call. Please pray for some good embabies this time!

You're Getting on my Last Hormone

Stimulation Day 10

I'm Aunt Jessica for the second time this year! My sister had her baby girl at 5:44 p.m. today. She weighs 8 lbs 1 oz and is 21 inches long. This is the first grandchild on my side of the family. My sister and her hubby live a few hours away so I haven't met her yet, but she is absolutely perfect in the pics!

My estrogen is now 1777 (from 1000 two days ago) and lining is 11.8 mm. I still have about 13 follicles and they are all growing nicely. A little more than half are now mature, but they want me to take another day of Follistim in hopes that the others will catch up and be mature by retrieval. It looks as if I will have my HCG trigger shot tomorrow night if everything looks okay at my appointment tomorrow morning. This means we will head to Charleston on Friday for preop and our last ultrasound/labs and my retrieval will be early Saturday morning. The transfer will take place on Tuesday (Day 3) or Thursday (Day 5). Yes, Thanksgiving Day.

I'm trying to stay in a good mood and not complain, but I'm beginning to get really irritated this time around. I hate how there isn't a set schedule with this. I never know when I'm going to have to go to an appointment until the last minute. It's torture asking off work every other day when I'm usually required to give a 2 month notice for time off. I'm sure that they understand, but it's still very uncomfortable. I always feel that I have to justify why I'm needing off...all because I want what is supposed to be the most natural part of human life. Unfortunately, I can't get pregnant the old fashioned way and it makes me feel like an outcast. Unfortunately most people who can easily have children do not understand why we would willingly put ourselves through this, why we don't "just adopt" or consider other options. Unfortunately, I can't quit my job because my original plan of being a stay at home mom is shot...considering all of our savings is beyond dunzo. I know that I have become extremely open about this entire process, partly because I couldn't hide it if I tried. I just hate that I have to bring my problems to work instead of leaving them at home. It has consumed my entire life.

I'm sorry, I've just had a few things said to me recently that have rubbed me the wrong way and it's hard to keep a smile on my face and act like it doesn't bother me. All I have to say is, I'm going to pick my battles and I have found out who my true friends are throughout this journey. I appreciate each and every one of you and I'm glad that I can get away from those who just don't understand and look here for support each day. I have been horrible at commenting back because I've been so busy lately and I'm sorry. I promise I will catch up while on bed rest this next week!

Can't. Move.

Stimulation Day 8

Ouch.

I've already forgotten how uncomfortable this is. I need to take a picture of my belly because it already looks like I'm 5 months pregnant. I'll just pretend I'm pregnant...with two sasquatch ovaries.

As of this morning, my estrogen is a little over 1000, progesterone is 1.04, and uterine lining is 10.4 mm...thumbs up! The increasing estrogen shows that my follicles are growing, and the decreased progesterone shows that I haven't had an "oops" ovulation. They usually see a lining of around 7-9, so mine is exceptional. I believe the total follicle count is around 13. The biggest follicle is around 16 mm and all of the others are right behind it trying to play catch up. We are hoping that all will be mature by retrieval time.

This cycle is already looking MUCH better than last, but I'm more concerned about the quality vs. quantity. Are there going to be some good eggs inside of those follies? I'm praying every second of every day that it will work this time. I do not want to go through this again:(

I go back on Wednesday morning for labs and another ultrasound. We'll be able to better pinpoint the retrieval date at that time. They are still guessing that it will be Friday, so we shall see. I hope I can still walk by then!

Gobble

Stimulation Day 6

Oh yeah. I'm feeling it.

My estrogen went from 118 on Thursday to 635 this morning, yay! They measured 8 growing follicles...4 on my left ovary and 4 on my right. It is still very early, so there's a chance that some of the smaller ones will catch up. This time last cycle, I had 4 total follicles and one huge cyst. I would say that this time around is showing a little more promise. I go back Monday a.m. for another ultrasound and blood work.

As of now, my surgery for retrieval is scheduled for next Friday, November 20. The transfer should take place on Monday, November 23 (Day 3) or Wednesday, November 25 (Day 5).

This schedule is tentative and could change at any time over this next week. It all depends on how I continue to respond to the medications.

We always do Thanksgiving out of town with Andy's family, and according to this schedule, I will be on bed rest. If we get lucky enough to have a Day 5 transfer, then it will be the day before Thanksgiving. It sucks, but I would much rather bring a grandchild to our next Thanksgiving celebration.

My family will also be out of town celebrating Thanksgiving with my sister and her new baby girl...that is, if she's born by then. She's about 87 weeks pregnant right now...hang in there Katie! I hope I get to meet her before I'm stuck on bed rest!

Will somebody please bring some turkey and dressing by my house? Make it enough for seconds too:)

Bullseye

You see this vial of Follistim?

$509.20 each.

I have 5 of them. Each one lasts about 2.5 days. Guess what I'm going to say about that? Ridiculousness.

I do, however, have this handy dandy pen that I get to use to inject the medication with.

I decided to let go of my control freakishness and allow Andy to do the injection on Tuesday night. He has done an intramuscular injection to my backside a couple of times, so I figured this would be a walk in the park. It's very simple...just pinch my belly fat, slide the needle in, and push. It doesn't require nearly as much force as an injection into my Beyonce humps.

I think he threw it like a dart from across the kitchen and it almost pierced my bowel. Poor thing...he means well. Maybe I'll let him try again this weekend.

Today is stimulation day 4. I had blood work this morning and my E2 (estrogen) level is now 118. They would like for it to be a little higher, so they increased my dose of Follistim from 225 units to 250 units each evening.

The estrogen production increases as follicles develop and it is expected to be above 100 at this point in my cycle. From what I've been told, it will correspond with how many follicles I have towards the end. Every mature follicle should produce about 200 units of estrogen. I think.

My next appointment is Saturday morning. I will be having labs drawn again, as well as an ultrasound so that we can see what's going on in there. My nurse will call me Saturday afternoon to let me know how everything looks. I'm not too uncomfortable yet, so we'll see!

Ready for Take Off

Ultrasound is clear.

Estrogen has dropped.

No cysts.

All resting follicles healthy and happy.

Is this seriously going right for once? Why yes...it is!!!

I had about 14 resting follicles (all uniform in size) on my ultrasound this morning. My estrogen level has bottomed out which is where they want it. I am officially in artificial menopause at the ripe age of 30. The reason they do this is so that they can have full control of my cycle...IVF is all about perfect timing. They cease my body's natural hormone fluctuations and replace them with the medications I am taking by injection. Click here to read about this time last cycle.

I had a little scare this morning when I was handed my instructions for the coming days.

I was supposed to decrease my Lupron from 20 units to 10 units this morning? I already gave myself 20 units! I was supposed to add a low dose HCG injection this morning? Andy was supposed to start his antibiotics this morning? Um, what?

Keep in mind that it was already 10 am and my medications are supposed to be done no later than 8 am. In a frantic I jumped in the car to get back home as fast as I could so that I could inject myself with the other medication and grab Andy's medication to take by his work. On the way back to my house, I phoned my work to let them know not to look for me anytime soon. I also phoned my clinic in Charleston to find out why they waited until this morning to tell me this rather important information. We did, after all, pay them the equivalent of a 5 series BMW this year, so I expect nothing short of awesomeness from them.

My nurse is out of the office on vacation. Sweet ridiculousness. I left a voicemail with one of the other nurses explaining the situation and she called me back not even 5 minutes later. She said that it was okay that I took the extra Lupron and that we would just lower it tomorrow morning. The HCG injection could be given this evening with my Follistim injection, Andy could start his antibiotics tonight, and HCG could be added with the lower dose Lupron tomorrow morning. Whew. I'm confused. I know you are too.

The truckload of meds arrived last Friday and I already have them organized and ready to go. Thankfully I don't have to deal with the fear of the unknown this time. Looking at all of the vials isn't quite as overwhelming.

I took my first Follistim injection this evening to begin the stimulation phase. I'm so ready for my ovaries to feel like bowling balls again. Please let it work this time...I don't know how much longer my body and mental health can take this! I will say that this will be the ultimate test to find out the true quality of my eggs. If they are still degenerated after this perfect cycle without a cyst, then we may have a major problemo.

My next appointment is this Thursday. I believe they will just be doing bloodwork. I will probably have to go in sometime this weekend for an ultrasound. Please keep us in your prayers! I will be in touch:)

Word of the Month: Ridiculousness

I'm sure most of my infertile blogger friends read Naomi's blog on a daily basis. If not, check it out. It may not seem funny to fertiles, but it's the raw truth about infertility jacked up with sarcasm. This girl cracks me up!!!

999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility


Hey, I have to find some way to laugh at the ridiculousness that has become my life...

Everything continues to go as planned. I'm still doing double Lupron injections every morning. I'm starting to get some belly bruises, but not too bad yet. I started my cycle this a.m., which was expected after stopping the birth control pills. I am ecstatic because this didn't happen on time during our first cycle! This means that the cyst is definitely not there and that my estrogen level has dropped. I go back for a scan and bloodwork on Monday morning to make sure everything is clear so that I can start the stimulation meds. They will also do an antral follicle count so that I can get an idea of how many possible follicles there will be to stimulate. It varies month by month...last month I had 17. So far, this has been a textbook cycle.

I can't wait to take a picture of this truckload of meds...they increased the doses which means I will probably have to choose between keeping food or medications in my fridge!

In other news, I'm about to be an aunt for the second time this year...my sister is about to have her baby girl! Anytime now!

Andy is heading down to Charleston tomorrow to drop his load at the clinic. Lucky him.
They will be separated and frozen so that they won't be hastily searching for soldiers on retrieval day. We should have plenty to choose from this time. Now, if the eggs will just cooperate.

Geez, I could have used a little more couth up there...you have to admit it was pretty funny though. Besides, we've lost all modesty nowadays. Wanna know how we accomplished that? I've put my legs up in stirrups about 500 times in the past 4.5 years. Andy has become a professional sharpshooter into the depths of a sterile container, all the while cheap porn drowns out the laughter of lab personnel on the other side of the door. Top that.

Ridiculousness. Lol.

Smooth Sailing

No pain!!! No cyst!!! Could this finally be it?

It wasn't there last month either. I wonder if my body is finally going to cooperate.

I'm beginning to think that it had something to do with all of the caffeine I was consuming...I haven't had a drop of it since August. I know caffeine causes fibrocystic breast changes, and just recently learned that it can cause ovarian cysts as well. Water is swell, but I sure do miss my morning bottle of Diet Pepsi!

I began my Lupron injections this morning, and will continue it every day for the entire cycle. They doubled my dose to 20 units in hopes that it will keep the cyst far, far away. If you remember last time, the Lupron is to suppress my ovaries until they are ready to add the stimulation drugs to the mix.

I know I said that last weekend would be my last football game of the season, but, well, you know...things change. My good friend is going to treat us to a weekend in Knoxville for the Carolina/Tenn game! Yay! Plus, Halloween is getting old around here...it's no fun with just the two of us handing out candy all night. We get jealous that we can't be out there with our own kids! Oh well, maybe next year...

We hope everyone has a fun and safe Halloweenie weekend!

The Islands Will Have To Wait

Hopefully, we can finally slather a baby in sunblock and take him with us to the islands instead.

IVF #2. Just so you know, it's a go.

The past few weeks have been crazy busy and I have had a hard time trying to find the time to sit down and give an update! I took on a side job to try to make some extra money for our cycles and it has been keeping me on my toes.

Today is cycle day 12. As of now, I'm back on the birth control pills and have been for a little over a week. I had an ultrasound on day 3 which showed that the "little cyst" had once again resolved...if I could just reach in there and beat the crap out of it I would! The goal is to keep me from ovulating while on the pill this time. I'm carefully monitoring myself for any discomfort down there as well as using an ovulation predictor test. So far, the tests have been negative, but it's still too early to tell. I always know when the cyst is rearing its ugly head. If I feel it, I will be calling my doctor that very second so that he can schedule an ultrasound. We've invested too much into this and we're not playing around or experimenting anymore. We are our own best advocates, right?

What happens if the cyst comes back? I was told that I need to pack up and head to Charleston to have it aspirated. Since the cyst and the hormones it was secreting affected my egg quality and the outcome of our 1st cycle, the sooner we get rid of it the better. Hopefully it won't come to that. I'm finding myself more uptight and worried this time around. I'm sure it's because I'm afraid that I'm going to have the same outcome as our 1st cycle. I just wish things would come easy to us...just this once. Fingers crossed!

On another note, the H1N1 has officially entered my workplace. I work in a hospital, so it was inevitable to begin with. A lot of us were unknowingly exposed, so we're praying that it doesn't spread like wildfire. So far, only a few employees are out, so we'll see. My concern is if I get it while going through a cycle...would a fever harm our eggs/sperm? I have the vaccine available to me, but I've weighed the risks vs. benefits and decided against it for personal reasons. Even if I received the vaccine today, I've already been exposed so it does me no good...considering it takes about 2 weeks to build up enough antibodies anyway. Besides, I think the media has completely blown it out of proportion.

If everything goes as planned, I have another ultrasound next week and will start my Lupron injections. Let's hope my insurance company accidentally pays for it again this time:) They didn't even pay for my pregnancy blood test last cycle, so I'm going to suck them for all they are worth!

This Saturday is the last Carolina game we can attend this season and I'm so excited! Our cycle will get in the way of the remaining home games, but I don't care. I love Carolina, but finally having a little family is our number one priority. My parents and sister are going with us, so it should be a good time!

I will be in touch:)

Another Award!

Thanks to Jess at Babyparamore.blogspot.com for nominating me for my 2nd award! She is a source of unbelievable inspiration to me. She and her husband have been trying to conceive for over four years and have experienced four miscarriages. I had no idea that such a huge infertility community existed on Blogspot...it has turned into one big awesome support group. I'm so grateful for the friends I've made, especially Jess. She rocks! We've already promised each other we're going to hop on a plane to each other's baby showers, ha!



All we need is a little LOVE! This blog award is about sisters uniting together and giving others some love because life is hard and who couldn't use a little love? The rules for this award are simple.

I LOVE YOU=8 letters which gives you 8 rules:


Here are the rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them.

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17?) who you love or you think could use some love

5. Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.

6. You can not nominate someone who has already been nominated-the love has to spread to all

7-Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate.

8-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.


I can't name just 17...all of the blogs I follow are fantabulous! So, if you read my blog, then I nominate you.

IVF or the Island Life?

Our visit to Charleston went very well! Our doctor had a lot of positive things to say, and we left more optimistic about going through with IVF #2. We have been a little skeptical over the past month about whether we should go through with it again, or just accept our losses and move to the islands:)

What went wrong? Well, Dr. P said that he and the two other doctors in the practice have been steadily trying to figure this out over the past month. Everything was perfect...I responded to the medications, my estrogen levels went up accordingly, the follicles grew, and the eggs were harvested.

Remember the "little" cyst that delayed my cycle? Well, it did a little more than delay the cycle. That son of a gun messed it all up. With most women, an ovarian cyst will not affect the outcome of the cycle. This is why they didn't pay it much attention.

To explain this better, I should not have ovulated or developed a cyst while on the birth control pills...we already knew this. When you start a fresh cycle, they want all of the follicles to be uniform in size. Apparently, the cyst was causing my estrogen levels to stay elevated, which in turn caused two of the follicles to prematurely develop before I started the stimulation meds. These two huge follicles continued to grow and kept growing in front of the others throughout the entire stimulation. They were just planning on letting those go (not using them) while proceeding to grow the smaller follicles. With most women this works out great. I, on the other hand, do not have the reproductive system that agrees with these odds. In the end, the two big follicles interfered with the development of the smaller follicles. Hence, my outcome: 8 retrieved, 3 immature, 4 degenerated, 1 fertilized.

Was this my fault? No.

Dr. P said that if anyone is to blame, it is them for not paying closer attention to the cyst which led to the overdeveloped follicles. Now that he knows that I'm Murphy's best friend, the plan is to over-monitor my next cycle. He did a post-IVF ultrasound which looked great...my ovaries are back down to size, lining is great, and a follicle count of 17. Woohoo! I do have a small fibroid, but he said that it is out of the way and it won't interfere with anything. He recommended that we try to go ahead with cycle 2 while everything looked clear. Which means in about 1 week. Oh my goodness.

I will have an ultrasound on Day 3 of birth control this time to check for any "little" cysts. If one grows, then he said I need to pack up and head to Charleston that day to have it aspirated before it causes any problems. Talk about being proactive!

I will have more ultrasounds this time around...if anything looks questionable at any point in the cycle, I will have to drive to Charleston so that they can do an ultrasound themselves.

They will be increasing the doses on Lupron, Follistim, and micro-HCG. Also, Andy will have his sperm frozen ahead of time so that they will have more to choose from. Dr. P said that the 2nd cycle usually has a better outcome because they know what they're working with. He feels very optimistic that everything will turn out fine this time around.

Now we have a big decision to make...we can go for it now while all is clear, or risk it by waiting until after the holidays. My gut is telling me that now is the right time. We've waited long enough and it's time to get this show on the road. As always, I'm worried about taking so much time off work. I absolutely love my job, but I've got to make this my priority.

We will lay it all out on the table over the next week and pray that the answer comes to us.

Although we haven't really ruled out that whole moving to the islands idea:)

My First Blog Award...Sweet!

Babyparamore.blogspot.com has given me my first blog award!!!
Thank you so much Jessica!
This award comes with some rules and a survey I have to fill out.

Rules
1. You Can Only Use One Word (Yeah right...we know that won't happen!)
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award
4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part
1. Where is your cell phone? Couch
2. Your hair? Long (Doing Locks of Love)
3. Your mother? My biggest supporter...hands down.
4. Your father? The Best
5. Your favorite food? Popcorn
6. Your dream last night? Had a baby that was shaped like a starfish and people were trying to steal it from me. k.
7. Your favorite drink? Weekday: Water...Weekend: Alcohol
8. Your dream/goal? Mother
9. What room are you in? Living Room
10. Your hobby? Gym
11. Your fear? Childless
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Picking my child up from school
13. Where were you last night? Driving back from Charleston
14. Something that you aren’t? Pregnant
15. Muffins? Chocolate Chip
16. Wish list item? Infertility Debt Forgiveness Program...ha!
17. Where did you grow up? North Augusta, SC
18. Last thing you did? Watch Football
19. What are you wearing? My Gamecock Gear!
20. Your TV? On, of course...it's gameday!
21. Your pets? My doggie...Ellie May
22. Friends? After last cycle, I now know who the true ones are:)
23. Your life? Uncertain
24. Your mood? Pumped!
25. Missing someone? Leeann!
26. Vehicle? Garnet Ford Explorer Sport (gotta have a gamecockmobile)
27. Something you’re not wearing? Underwear
28. Your favorite store? Hobby Lobby
29. Your favorite color? Purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Last Friday
32. Your best friend? My husband
33. One place that I go to over and over? Doctor's office
34. One person who emails me regularly? Amanda & Mom
35. Favorite place to eat? Hmmmm...Mexican, Bonefish, California Dreaming, McCalister's, Wild Wing Cafe, Chinese, Japanese, Sushi, Blue Sky Kitchen, Mellow Mushroom, Pizza Joint...that was one word, right?

Recipients
1. Melissa at Banking on a Family
2. Naomi at 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility
3. FC at Fertility Chick
4. Shanny at I did, I do, I will
5. Megan at Infertile Myrtle
6. Lu at Fertility Foibles


................................................................................

We did see our doctor in Charleston yesterday and he had a lot to say! I'm trying to gather my thoughts to write a post regarding the appointment. However, it's Saturday and college football is calling my name! I will be in touch!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

Sorry to be MIA, but all is good here! We have our WTF? appointment this Friday morning in Charleston...can't wait to find out our next step. We've been able to enjoy a couple of Gamecock football games and celebrate my Grandparent's 80th birthday with a huge reunion that my Aunt and Uncle threw together. We were also able to travel to the mountains of North Carolina this past weekend to meet our new niece for the first time!

I came across the following essay and would like to share it. The author is unknown, but I sure would like to meet her because she took the words right out of my mouth!


Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I WILL be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

The Scream Machine

Well, they say that infertility is a neverending emotional roller coaster. It takes forever to get to the top of each hill, and then it feeds you a huge adrenaline rush as it drops you 80 mph down the other side. Before you know it, you're twisting and turning upside down while being spit into dark tunnels. You just never know how you're going to come out on the other side. It's not for the faint of heart, it costs an arm and a leg to even get on the damn ride, and the short people are jealous because they can't join in on the fun. Well, maybe not that last part but it sounded good. It's just not fair. Most people come out alive, but not without a story to tell.

Our beta pregnancy test was negative today, but we're actually okay. Disappointed, but okay. After 4.5 years, it never really gets easier to hear "not this time"...we have just learned to tolerate it a little better. We could feel a little more upset tomorrow, but it usually comes in waves. So if we just don't feel like talking about it, please don't be offended. We don't want people to pity us or be uncomfortable around us...it's just the hand that we've been dealt and we have to accept it regardless of the outcome. I cheated anyway the entire weekend with home pregnancy tests, so I was prepared to hear it. Plus, I just never really "felt" anything. Over the years I've learned to read my body and it wasn't telling me anything different. Then again, I have never been pregnant, so that intuition could prove me wrong one day.

We're not sure when we're going to try again because it all depends on saving the money to pay for meds/ultrasounds again. Plus, we have to save up vacation time at work to be able to take time off for another cycle. We are going to schedule our "WTF?" appointment in the coming month so that we can sit down with our doctor, figure out what went wrong, and map out our next plan of action. We can definitely learn from this cycle so that we know what to do differently next time. Maybe different meds, a longer/shorter stimulation period, etc. We were told that it could take 2-3 cycles on average, so we have to be mentally prepared for that. We'll see what he has to say.

We're proud of Deuce. He put up a good fight and we're gonna miss him. Atleast I have pictures of the first ever Andyjessica at a cellular level...most people just get peanuts:)

For now, I have ripped off my estrogen patches and graciously stopped the progesterone wahoohoo suppositories. We may even head to the Carolina/UGA game this weekend and partake in some adult beverages with friends because...well...because we can.

We want to thank everyone again for the wonderful support. You have been awesome and all we ask is that you continue to keep us in your prayers. One day we will get off of this "Scream Machine" and hopefully have a +positive+ story to tell.