We are still alive...just laying low for the past week!
First off, thank you soooooo much for all of the comments/emails/facebooks...and thanks to whoever gave our story to LFCA...the support has been amazing. Thanks a million times over!
I had a D & C last Wednesday (Dec. 30) and everything went smoothly...if smooth is even a good description for such a grim procedure. It wasn't even scheduled until 2pm and they made me NPO after midnight, so needless to say I was starving and extremely parched by the time recovery was over! My mom and Andy were there with me from start to finish. My bestie dropped by the house to bring my all-time favorite meal...Chick-fil-A! I passed out around 8 pm after a chicken sandwich, some Rainbow Twizzlers (a.k.a awesomeness), and a Percocet washed down with a swig of sweet tea. I didn't budge until 11 the next morning.
The best part was the financial paperwork I had to sign beforehand...the procedure fee wasn't $900. It was $4300!!! The $900 was just to meet my deductable...2 days before the year was over. Thank God insurance paid the rest. I'm sorry I'm so obsessed with the cost of this...I just can't believe how much this doctor charged for it. He should be ashamed of himself.
Ridiculousness!
Okay, I'm off my soapbox now.
We've been doing okay...emotionally we are pissed, disappointed, and sad. Physically, I think I'm doing okay. I will spare the details, but let's just say that this has been the worst cycle of my life! I guess what I'm experiencing is normal??? I haven't started to get lightheaded or anything, but man...I've lost a good bit and it doesn't act like it's going anywhere...anytime soon! Someone who has been through this, please enlighten me!
My bestie also gave us the keys to her family's condo on Hilton Head Island. How awesome is that? We have the greatest friends ever. We were able to get away for New Year's and the weekend so that we could relax, recover, and pick up the pieces.
We are still getting over the loss, so we haven't really talked about what we want to do next, if anything. We do know that it probably won't involve biological children. IVF was our last hope for that, and apparently the two of us don't make strong enough embryos for it to be successful. We do know that adoption, surrogates, donor eggs, donor sperm, and frozen embryos exist...we get asked about these all of the time. It's just all so overwhelming right now. We don't want all of these decisions to revolve around money, all that really matters is that we have a family eventually, right? However, we need to be realistic and responsible with our finances. Only time will tell, and I'm sure that the answer will eventually come to us.
We both went back to work this week and I think that it has helped to keep our minds off of everything. We decided to start fixing up the house since we have neglected it for the last few years. When we had our house built, they painted all of the walls khaki...we now have a gold living room and a soon-to-be ruby red bathroom! Color is SO much better!
Who knows, we may just sell the house...I wasn't kidding about the island life!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
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16 comments:
Good to hear from you! I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you have such strong support around you and your getting some distraction/enjoyment out of other parts of your life. It's not an easy road, it's a bumpy one.
And, post miscarriage/D&C bleeding is not fun. I once pleaded to my doctor, "when is going to stop?". I think everybody is different but eventually it will.
Keep me posted about the island..we may join you :)
I LOVE YOU! Although we've talked a lot this week, I feel like I still need to read your blog because you can only say so much in a text message! :)
Yes, the doctor should be ashamed...they are so money hungry, it makes me sick!
I'm praying for you my little belle/redneck...I know God will lead you and you will figure out your next steps but for now, work on healing your and Andy's hearts.
Oh Jessica, I've been thinking about you. What a way to begin the new year. Sup wid dat price? It is crazy! I tend to feel they take advantage of our situations since they know we tend to have no choice but to do what needs to be done and pay whatever they say. Bastards.
I'm sad that for now the option of a biological child is not opened, I can only begin to imagine how you must feel. I'm beyond sorry how unfair this all is. Big hugs.
I just started reading your blog, but I added you to my prayer list, and I'm glad that things went smoothly last week and that going back to work has helped a little. I can't imagine the emotions that you're going through- I think I'd need a ton of time to process the options in front of me. I say take all you need!! Will be checking back to see how you're doing :)
I am so sorry. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. You are in my prayers!
Hi Jessica,
I want you to know that, as I read your last few posts, I felt as if I was with you instead of thousands of miles apart. The way that you poured out your heart with no self-consciousness, no people-pleasing politeness, actually made my chest hurt. I can imagine how you feel, both as a mother who miscarried 4 times and as a professional in the field of infertility and miscarriage.
Your pain and anger are at the surface right now, but rest assured that what you are feeling is as normal as it could be. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Everything you have been through and everything you and Andy wanted to do and have in your life together makes your grief unique; not exactly like someone else's.
When a little time has passed, whether it's weeks or months, you can weigh your options and determine how to go on. I wouldn't insult you by bringing up those options, as I'm sure you already know. If you feel like it, go to my blog and read some of the posts that are under the Miscarriage category. If you want to email me privately, rather than as a Comment, feel free. If so, I promise I will reply.
Be well,
Lisa
I am just so sorry you are having to go through this. It is criminal what that Dr. charged to have a D&C!! I'm glad you had a chance to go to the beach and relax a bit. I know nothing I say will make this pain go away, so just know you are in my thoughts.
Jessica, it's so nice to hear from you. I've been thinking about you a lot.
I think it's only natural to be concerned about the financial impact of treatments. As with IF it tends to effect man other area's of your life, and it's important to be responsible.
Please take all the time you need before your next step, and know that we'll all be here for you.
Hugs
{hugs} to you.
What a way to recover? You DO have the best friends ever. I'm so glad you were able to just GET AWAY from it all and recover together. You already sound 100 times better than you did on the 29th. My husband and I are doing really well from our own miscarriage on that day and I just want you to know that reading your blog helped me more than you know because it really put into perspective what I went through. As weird as this may sound, it really made me get off my butt and stop moping because if you could bounce back from all you've been through then I needed to suck it up and do the same. And it helped. :) So thank you.
I'm praying for you still and looking forward to each blog post you put out here so I can continue to see you handling yourself with strength and class. Here's to you girl!!!
Thinking of you, Jessica! Hugs to you..... Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray time will heal your sadness. May God comfort you and Andy
Love, Ronda
Thanks for your comment! :)
So sorry about your miscarriage and D&C. I had the same experience and I was so emotionally spent by it.
However! It sounds like you guys are getting through it pretty well. If you decide someday to adopt, I think that would be fantastic! We want to at some point. My goal in life is to obtain (lol) children- whether biologically or adopted. Screw you, infertility!
All I have to say is that if you end up moving to the island, you better take me with you!! :) I'm glad you enjoyed your time in Hilton Head. We love you & Andy both!!
<3.
Thank you everyone:)
Lisa, I think you have your blog blocked??? I am not able to access it...unless I'm doing something wrong!
I'm so glad you were able to get away for a little bit, to help clear your head. I did the exact same thing after my D&C last year and it did a world of good. It took MONTHS for my cycles to get back to "normal" (which is never normal by regular standards), but it got there... and I started feeling better about the whole thing. I hope this year brings you (and me) better luck :-)
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