5dp5dt

First off, thanks for all of the compliments on the haircut! I love it...it's going to take a lot of getting used to because I am so used to having it long! I will definitely save in the shampoo/conditioner department.

All is well here. I've just been enjoying all of my family being in town and trying to take it easy. I continue to have an upset stomach almost every day. I know this is TMI, but, I eat...and it goes straight through me. Probably because I've been eating pounds of fruit and veggies everyday.

Last night, Andy and I went out for Italian and I left with a splitting headache and became extremely tired. We went straight home and I passed out very early. I had to get up once to pee around 3 am, and woke up in a pool of sweat this morning. And...my boobs are getting massive!

Hopefully these are good signs! I'm trying to hold out on POAS...I'm starting to get very anxious and I want to know...but I don't want to do it too early! Possibly tomorrow...I don't think I could do it right before I go back to work on Monday and have time to recompose myself depending on the outcome. Last time I tested positive 7dp3dt, so today would mark exactly that point with the 5dt.

Please pray! The two week wait is TORTURE!

4dp5dt

Today, my sister and I donated our hair to Locks of Love! We were both looking like Crystal Gayle clones, so it was about time. I've been growing mine out for about 3 years, while it only took my sister 1.5 years to catch up...and then some!

It feels so much better not having 5 pounds of hair to carry around in this 100 degree 91237640% humidity southern mugfest. Hopefully a few children will benefit from it!

My other sister is also here visiting from Chicago this weekend, so she met up with us at the salon to get her hair did. It's been so much fun having all three of us back together again. Love them!

I am feeling fine...still wondering what is going on down there. I'm having a little pressure/pulling/heaviness in the gonad region. I'm not really sure how to describe it. Again, not sure if it's progesterone or an answered prayer.

Before..I (L) had a total of 23 inches, and my sister (R) a total of 26. We both donated a little more than 10 inches:

First snip on mine

First snip on sister's

Me After!!! Please excuse my boobs...they came from one of two things: A. Progesterone B. Possible answered prayer

My sister after! She has the natural boobie DNA.

Chicago Sis getting her hair did!

Here's to Locks of Love!

Sisters together again for the weekend...fun times!

3dp5dt

Vivid Dreams. My life is a wack-job whilst my head layeth upon a pillow.

Last night I went to a food eating contest to watch one of my friends compete. She ate 50 cameras and won the contest.

Yes, cameras.

Afterwards, I had to move back to Alabama and was made to work on the same hospital floor that I was at when I lived there. Which, by the way, is Hell on Earth. If I ever have to go back to work in a hospital I will change careers.

I then awoke from that nightmare to pee around 5 am. My stomach was also pretty upset. Probably from the 76 pounds of fruit I ate yesterday.

Once I was able to fall back asleep, I found myself at a huge outside party surrounded by everyone on my Facebook friend list. I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom only to find that the toilets sat freely throughout the lawn for all to watch. Apparently I didn't care so I sat down on one for what felt like 20 minutes and could never pee. I had the sensation, but it just wouldn't ever...come out. Andy got tired of waiting for me, so he picked up the toilet with me on it and carried me around the party. Pants on the ground and all. I don't think I ever peed.

Progesterone side effects? Geez! I can't wait to go to sleep tonight to see what other adventures are in store for me!

Otherwise, nothing much new. I don't feel pregnant, but it is wayyyy to early to tell. Still cramping down there, but that is about all.

One of my best friends is bringing us dinner tonight, so I can't wait to catch up with her! Will be a good time. Tomorrow, I get to finally get out of the house! My sister and I are getting our mops chopped to donate to Locks of Love. We've been growing our hair out for awhile and both look like Crystal Gayle, so it's about time! I will post pics tomorrow!

2dp5dt

Below is technically what should be going on in with Boom Boom and Pow right now. I have put them in God's hands and constantly pray that they are thriving and doing their thing down there! I have not really had any weird happenings until this morning. I began having intermittent sharp pains in my uterus that shot up throughout my abdomen, and the boobs are getting pretty sore and swelling. However, the progesterone can cause all of these same side effects, so I don't want to get my hopes up!

I have been asked if I'm going to POAS (pee on a stick) this week and the answer to that is, um, hell yeah! I mean, seriously? I'm a peestickoholic. I didn't spend all of this money to torture myself for another two weeks. I haven't decided exactly when I will test...probably sometime this weekend. Even then it may be too early to get an accurate HPT. Our beta is scheduled to be drawn next Wednesday, July 13.

I just want to remind you that if you know me in real life, please keep everything you read on my blog to yourself. We have not told many people that we are going through with this again, and if it works we will not be telling anyone until we are far enough along to feel comfortable in making an announcement. It is very stressful to openly talk about it all of the time, not to mention having to "un-tell" people should something go horribly wrong...which often happens when dealing with these fertility treatments. Thanks again to all of you for understanding, and for all of your love, prayers, and support:)

 

5-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Two	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Three	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Four	Implantation continues
Five	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Six	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Seven	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eight	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Nine	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

Snowbabies!

1dp5dt

Our embryologist called to let us know he was able to freeze five of our embabies today! They were all Grade A beautiful blasts! This is SO reassuring to us. We have never made it to a 5 day transfer, nor have any left over to freeze.

What this means is that we can use those, two at a time, to do frozen cycles should this one not work out. This is a much easier process because I would not have to wait for a donor to stim...they would just regulate my cycle, thaw them, and do a transfer. There is a risk that they would not survive the thawing process, but this doesn't happen very often. Through our Shared Risk program, we have unlimited FET cycles already paid for. Once all of the cryopreserved eggs are gone, we can move onto another fresh cycle. Overall, we are contracted to three fresh cycles and unlimited frozen cycles.

If this cycle did work, then we have the snowbabies to use in the future should we ever want more children...yay! It would be much cheaper to do a FET cycle in a few years than it would be to shell out money for another fresh cycle. I'm pretty sure that we have reached beyond our limit financially for another fresh cycle.

I am a little disappointed because I found out today that we can't get any pictures of our embabies transferred yesterday! After questioning the embryologist directly, he told me that he believed the system was struck by lightening over the weekend and that he wasn't even able to take the picture:(

Bummer.

Sooo, we have decided to go ahead and name our embabies. Technically, they are our children so we have always done this. It just so happens that they are always conceived around a holiday. Last time we named them Giblet, Shweet T, Gobble, Hambone, Greenbean, Cornbread, and Cranberry because we had a Thanksgiving transfer.

The two in my belly will be called Boom Boom and Pow in honor of an Independance Day transfer. We have named the snowbabies Sparkler, Bottle Rocket, Jumpin' Jack, Snake, and Snap Pop.

Lol.

Right now I am still on bed rest and taking full advantage of Andy being my biotch. He's been so good to me by bringing me medicines, making healthy meals, and concocting yummy smoothies! I'm down to 1 PIO injection every a.m., but I had to add the progesterone va jay-jay suppository at night. I'm also still popping estrogen pills 3x/day.

I'm also going with the wives tale of eating pineapple with core every day for 5 days, starting with the day of transfer. It worked last time, so I'm trying it again! Apparently the core contains an enzyme called bromelain that aids in implantation. By Friday I will have eaten an entire pineapple. Yummy! Even Griswold thinks so...

Got My Preggo On!

I was fine until yesterday when I started sweating balls that something could go wrong today. I mean, look at everything else that has happened to us...haha!

However...

We transferred two perfect grade blasts this morning!!! Woohoo! One was graded 4aa, and the other was 4bb. One was about to start hatching and we still have another five marinating until tomorrow. Our doctor is very hopeful that we will get some snowbaby siblings! Here is a good reference link on how they grade the blasts.

He said that this is the best possible scenerio that you could have during a transfer! God is so good!

We are still in Charleston and I am laid up on bed rest for a few days. We will head back home tomorrow morning so that I can get out of this hotel room and be in my own comfy bed. We brought Griswold here, and have been spoiling him by letting him sleep in the bed with us. I swear it is like sleeping with a horse. He's got to go back to that crate. Evicted!

Here are a few pics from our fun morning...I was all doped up on Valium and feeling the flow! Their printer was broken and I don't have a pic of the actual embryos, but I will get one from them later this week to share!

Dressing up in our space suits and hair nets

 All ready to go!

After the transfer. Andy looks like he's crying. I'm all doped up on Valium.

Arrow pointing to our two babies in my uterus! Big black blob on top is my bladder...about to explode!

Our babies are in there! I had to go feed them Mexican for their first meal.

A huge thanks to all of our troops on this 4th of July, especially my bro-in-law who has been deployed for 1.5 years and won't be home until next year.

Hopefully today will mark our independence from infertility! Stick babies stick!

A Sign?

I'm kind of skeptical about signs, but this was just too weird! Before leaving for Charleston yesterday, Andy checked the mail and this was in it...a brochure from a local hospital inviting us to give birth at their newly renovated women's center. All I have to say is.... Freaky!

Fertilization Reportation!

Drum roll!

37 was the final egg count; we received 19 of those as primary couple in a split cycle.

17 were mature

10 fertilized normally

All are snuggled up in the incubator and the embryologist is planning on a 5 day transfer as of now!!! That would put our transfer date on Monday, the Fourth of July! We have never made it to a 5DT, so please pray that our embabies grow!

Don't get me wrong because this is the furthest we have ever come...but is 10 our of 17 normal?? I just figured that since they did ICSI on every egg that we would have a few more. I am not being greedy, I just know all too well that the number can dwindle drastically by the time we get to the transfer.  We haven't spoken to the embryologist directly, but we kind of figured that it was Andy's sperm. Who knows. We'll see!

All I know is that we are extremely grateful and excited to be at this point. We have 10 embabies y'all! I have continued taking estrogen three times/day, and we started progesterone-in-oil (PIO) injections yesterday. So far my butt is surviving, but I have a feeling that it will start bruising and lumping up soon. Andy gives a good injection though...I can barely feel it! We'll be heading down to Charleston tomorrow to get away from work stress and wait everything out.

We have always done a 3 day transfer which normally puts the embryo in the 8-cell range. Our embryos have always looked like this:

 

After 5 days, they have developed further into a blastocyst, which looks like this:

This will start to hatch towards day 6, and the ICM will develop into the fetus, and the TE will form the placenta.

Pretty cool, huh? 

I'm a dork.

Maybe I need to get out of oncology nursing and become an infertility nurse. Hmmmm.

Thank you all for the sweet comments and prayers. Keep them coming! :)

Party in the Petri Dish!

Thirty Six. THIRTY SIX eggs retrieved from Cindy Lou Who this morning...unbelievable! Since we are splitting the cycle, we get eighteen...but still! This is more than we could have ever asked for.

I had to steal the title of this post from a comment that my blog friend Jenicini left for me the other day...cracked me up! She has been a huge support for a while now, and even had success with her donor egg cycle last year. Cutest little boy ever! She even has an American Bulldog just like Andy and I do!

They fertilized them all this morning via ICSI. Andy drove down to Charleston at the crack of butt to give them some babymaker. Thank goodness this wasn't another wasted three hour trip. The embryologist will call me tomorrow morning to let us know how many fertilized normally! So flippin' excited!

As far as we know, our donor is resting and did well during and after the procedure. They will be monitoring her closely for OHSS. Bless her heart. She is our angel!

Please cross everything you can cross and storm the Heavens for us in hopes that our 18 little embabies make it through the next few days.

It has to be our time. HAS to.

Get In Mah Belly

After 7,021,934,579,872 injections, I thought that I would keep it classy and share with you all the experience of injecting my last Lupron.

 I hope!!!

It's Triggertime Again!

It's confirmed! Cindy Lou Who's retrieval will be on Wednesday! She has so many follies that they had to put her on low dose HCG yesterday to calm her estrogen down. I'm not sure how that works, but all I know is that we don't want to put the poor girl in the hospital with hyperstimulation. She was supposed to do her HCG trigger tonight which will prep her eggs for the retrieval. My last Lupron injection will be tomorrow morning.

Andy has to be in Charleston by 8:45 a.m. Wednesday to work his magic. Please let the swimmers cooperate. Luckily we have a batch that has been in storage for a couple of years as an emergency backup. Never hurts to be prepared! We pray that this trip will be worthwhile, for we all know what happened the last time he drove down there. What a waste!

They will call me Wednesday after her retrieval to tell me how many eggs we have, and then again on Thursday to let me know how many have actually fertilized.

Eeek!

Thank you all so very much for your love and support. I don't think I could have gone through the last two years of treatment without this blog. Talk about a support group!

We are packing for Charleston and getting the house straightened up so that I don't have to worry about it while on bed rest next week. I will be in touch as soon as I have more news!!! :)

She's a Trooper!

This is how many shots I've given to myself since we started the donor process in February...almost three sharps containers full. My poor belly! Make it go away!

However, this week will open up a whole new realm of target practice. I'll get to stop the Lupron injections, but then I add the PIO shots twice daily on retrieval day. I'll be busting out the heating pads for those daddies to prevent painful lumps in my butt! Andy gets to give me those...awesome! I will have to administer those until 9 weeks of pregnancy if this cycle is successful.

Did I mention that there is a nationwide Lupron shortage?? I ran out mid-cycle and almost had a mini-meltdown. Luckily my nurse found a compounding pharmacy in NJ that gladly made some for me. Talk about lucky. What in the world would they have done? Only me!

Our update today was nothing less than grand...they measured around 35 follies (ouch) and her retrieval has been pushed back to Wednesday to allow for optimal maturation of her eggs. So exciting! Our nurse described her as a "trooper". I would have to agree. I remember my ovaries feeling like water balloons when I only had 13 measurable follies. Poor thing!

It's hard not to think about a negative outcome after all that we have been through. Yes they are telling us 35 follies, but what if only, say, 12 are mature? Then we have to split them with another couple which gives us 6. Then we have to worry about any of them fertilizing normally because Andy's sperm is hit-or-miss. Lots of pressure here! BUT, we will continue to put it all in God's hands and hope for the best. I think that we've shown God that we want this more than anything!

Our donor will have another ultrasound tomorrow morning so we should get an update then as well. She should administer her HCG injection tomorrow night if she is to have a Wednesday retrieval.

Now I'm on the hunt for another sharps container...I guess that a milk jug will have to do. Please pray for us and for that poor girl's gonads...bless her soul for going through this for us. Such a selfless act!

She's a Brewin'!

Our donor started stimulating last weekend and we are starting to receive our ultrasound reports! According to our nurse, she is brewing a lot of follies down there! So many that they couldn't get an accurate count! They had to change her to a low dose stim this morning because they don't want to hyperstimulate her ovaries, which puts her at risk for OHSS. Our retrieval was set for Tuesday morning, but since they are going to slow the process a bit it may occur on Wednesday. She is having another ultrasound tomorrow morning and we will have a better idea by then!

Our nurse said that she feels like we made a very good match this time around. It's about time, haha! She said that with the number of follies she wouldn't be surprised if we had some snowbabies to set aside. We do have to remember that quality is better than quantity, but we are feeling pretty optimistic about this cycle! Woohoo!!!

If the retrieval occurs Wednesday, then that puts us at Saturday for a 3-day transfer, or Monday for a 5-day transfer. Happy 4th of July to us! We will head down to Charleston next Friday if everything goes as planned. I am taking off work the entire week after that so that I don't have to be whipped by the slave driver which will lessen my chances of this working. We've put too much into this to have it ruined by stress! I will be on bed rest for a few days, and then get to enjoy the company of my little sis visiting from Chicago along with my other sister and niece coming to visit!

Also, please pray for my best friend and her hubby who just had their first IUI perfomed...they have been trying for over 4 years. How often does an infertile couple have a BFF going through the same hell? It definitely helps to have someone who can honestly relate! Wishing her the best and hoping that we can raise our babies together!

I will be in touch. Hopefully this will be the last weekend we share as a couple...by next weekend I could be growing our family! Please pray!

Oh, ya know, this and that.

1. The fee stands. Nowhere in our contract does it state that we are supposed to pay it as a primary couple, but she said that it was effective this past January and we have to pay it. Whatever. Next time I am sitting face to face with my doctor I will give him a piece of my mind for taking advantage of vulnerable couples.

2. We did not lose an attempt with Shared Risk. They are charging no fees whatsoever to Attain, so this attempt will count as our first attempt. Thank God.

3. My period has finally started and is thriving. If I didn't know any better, I would swear I'm giving birth to a placenta.

4. I'm not sure if I am going to be mentally stable enough to care for a child if I actually get one. Infertility and treatments are going to send me to the frickin' insane asylum.

5. It's been almost a month and Andy hasn't completely finished the wood floors. I knew I should have hired someone to do it. I'm going to nut up.

5. That is all.

Crazy Hormonal Female...Vent Session

So, tell me how you would react to this phone call...

Jessica: Hello?

RE's office: Hey Jessica, this is ------. Just calling to let you know that since you are the primary couple in this cycle, you owe a fee of $500 that isn't covered by the Shared Risk Program. We need to get this taken care of today before your donor starts medications. 

Jessica: Um, fee? What fee? Nobody told me about an extra fee. I was told that with the Shared Risk program I would not have to pay anymore out of pocket except for my medications and ultrasounds. 

RE's office: Well, this is a fee that was instituted recently, so you wouldn't have known about it. The primary couple now has to pay a fee of $500 per cycle.

Jessica: Um. Okay?

Mind you, I'm in the middle of giving a patient medications and had to walk away to take this call because I thought it would be my nurse. I was completely caught off guard, so my only reflex was to hesitantly say okay, pull the credit card out, and pay the fee out of fear of being kicked out of this cycle if I didn't pay.

Seriously???

So, does this mean that they can just randomly call me and tell me that they have added another "fee" and I'm expected to pay it or be kicked out mid-cycle? Am I the only one that thinks that this was a complete lack of communication on their part and that we are being taken advantage of....again? How do you get around something like this? They have our balls in their hands and we have no choice but to pay it!

As soon as I got home today, I explained the situation to Andy and he went from cute to livid in about 30 seconds. He will be calling our doctor directly tomorrow and asking him why we didn't receive a letter or communication of some sort. I mean, who wants to dish out $500 unexpectedly? A little notice please! It wasn't even in our financial estimate that we received from the office in February. What really makes me mad is that I paid off a credit card LAST NIGHT thinking that I was done giving the fertility gods mine and my parent's life savings. Son of a biscuit eating bulldog.

To top it all off, I got home and received a statement in the mail that "insurance" was pending on our canceled cycle. I got to thinking, now why would they bill Shared Risk for a canceled cycle? After looking at our contract, it states that a cycle will count towards you if it is canceled AFTER egg retrieval. Andy will be grilling their butts about this tomorrow as well...we take it as that cycle counted against us even though we never went through with the transfer! We got absolutely nothing from that cycle but a bunch of wasted money! As a matter of fact, the primary couple had to pay out of pocket for our half of the cycle PLUS the office got our Attain money too! Even if we were paying out of pocket, we would have gotten our money back and the primary couple would have to strike a check for our half. I don't get it. If this is the case, we would almost have been better off paying out of pocket for 2 fresh cycles then giving Attain all of our money. Omg.

This is Jessica going from cute to livid in 30 seconds.

Now it's time to put the icing on the cake folks. I was supposed to start my period, um, Sunday. I'm supposed to go for my first ultrasound tomorrow. No, I'm not pregnant. However, this cycle will be delayed until I start my frickin' period. F'awesome.

I will blame the delay of the menstrual cycle on certain family and work issues over the last week stressing me out that I should probably not mention on here since most of them read my blog. Once again, you find out who your true friends and family are when going through tough times. And it doesn't help that someone I work with is the clone of Attila the Hun. That being said, the stress from my doctor's office and Shared Risk program is completely unnecessary and cruel. Why must they do this to me while I'm doped up on Lupron and hormones galore?

If we did lose that cycle, then I can only pray that this first real cycle gives us a damn litter and that I don't have to do anymore. Otherwise, I will only have one fresh attempt left and that will really stress us out. I will have more answers tomorrow after our office experiences the wrath of Andy.


God, please help me. Everything is always against us...do you just not want us to be parents?

Is this really my life?