Oh, ya know, this and that.

1. The fee stands. Nowhere in our contract does it state that we are supposed to pay it as a primary couple, but she said that it was effective this past January and we have to pay it. Whatever. Next time I am sitting face to face with my doctor I will give him a piece of my mind for taking advantage of vulnerable couples.

2. We did not lose an attempt with Shared Risk. They are charging no fees whatsoever to Attain, so this attempt will count as our first attempt. Thank God.

3. My period has finally started and is thriving. If I didn't know any better, I would swear I'm giving birth to a placenta.

4. I'm not sure if I am going to be mentally stable enough to care for a child if I actually get one. Infertility and treatments are going to send me to the frickin' insane asylum.

5. It's been almost a month and Andy hasn't completely finished the wood floors. I knew I should have hired someone to do it. I'm going to nut up.

5. That is all.

Crazy Hormonal Female...Vent Session

So, tell me how you would react to this phone call...

Jessica: Hello?

RE's office: Hey Jessica, this is ------. Just calling to let you know that since you are the primary couple in this cycle, you owe a fee of $500 that isn't covered by the Shared Risk Program. We need to get this taken care of today before your donor starts medications. 

Jessica: Um, fee? What fee? Nobody told me about an extra fee. I was told that with the Shared Risk program I would not have to pay anymore out of pocket except for my medications and ultrasounds. 

RE's office: Well, this is a fee that was instituted recently, so you wouldn't have known about it. The primary couple now has to pay a fee of $500 per cycle.

Jessica: Um. Okay?

Mind you, I'm in the middle of giving a patient medications and had to walk away to take this call because I thought it would be my nurse. I was completely caught off guard, so my only reflex was to hesitantly say okay, pull the credit card out, and pay the fee out of fear of being kicked out of this cycle if I didn't pay.

Seriously???

So, does this mean that they can just randomly call me and tell me that they have added another "fee" and I'm expected to pay it or be kicked out mid-cycle? Am I the only one that thinks that this was a complete lack of communication on their part and that we are being taken advantage of....again? How do you get around something like this? They have our balls in their hands and we have no choice but to pay it!

As soon as I got home today, I explained the situation to Andy and he went from cute to livid in about 30 seconds. He will be calling our doctor directly tomorrow and asking him why we didn't receive a letter or communication of some sort. I mean, who wants to dish out $500 unexpectedly? A little notice please! It wasn't even in our financial estimate that we received from the office in February. What really makes me mad is that I paid off a credit card LAST NIGHT thinking that I was done giving the fertility gods mine and my parent's life savings. Son of a biscuit eating bulldog.

To top it all off, I got home and received a statement in the mail that "insurance" was pending on our canceled cycle. I got to thinking, now why would they bill Shared Risk for a canceled cycle? After looking at our contract, it states that a cycle will count towards you if it is canceled AFTER egg retrieval. Andy will be grilling their butts about this tomorrow as well...we take it as that cycle counted against us even though we never went through with the transfer! We got absolutely nothing from that cycle but a bunch of wasted money! As a matter of fact, the primary couple had to pay out of pocket for our half of the cycle PLUS the office got our Attain money too! Even if we were paying out of pocket, we would have gotten our money back and the primary couple would have to strike a check for our half. I don't get it. If this is the case, we would almost have been better off paying out of pocket for 2 fresh cycles then giving Attain all of our money. Omg.

This is Jessica going from cute to livid in 30 seconds.

Now it's time to put the icing on the cake folks. I was supposed to start my period, um, Sunday. I'm supposed to go for my first ultrasound tomorrow. No, I'm not pregnant. However, this cycle will be delayed until I start my frickin' period. F'awesome.

I will blame the delay of the menstrual cycle on certain family and work issues over the last week stressing me out that I should probably not mention on here since most of them read my blog. Once again, you find out who your true friends and family are when going through tough times. And it doesn't help that someone I work with is the clone of Attila the Hun. That being said, the stress from my doctor's office and Shared Risk program is completely unnecessary and cruel. Why must they do this to me while I'm doped up on Lupron and hormones galore?

If we did lose that cycle, then I can only pray that this first real cycle gives us a damn litter and that I don't have to do anymore. Otherwise, I will only have one fresh attempt left and that will really stress us out. I will have more answers tomorrow after our office experiences the wrath of Andy.


God, please help me. Everything is always against us...do you just not want us to be parents?

Is this really my life?

Cautiously Optimistic Plan!

Low and behold our donor passed all of her tests and we received another schedule folks! Woohoo! This marks the third time since February that we have tried to do this, so we are not putting all of our "eggs" in one basket yet. We know that this is ALL in God's hands and we refuse to take the reins because He is in control of the outcome! It's easy to get desperate for this to happen, but over time I've realized that our patience is being tested for a reason. If we interfere with His plan, it just makes us look selfish and sets us up for more disappointment and embarrassment.

As of now, I am set to resume my Lupron injections tomorrow and stop the BCP on Friday. I should have a period sometime next week, and then I will begin the escalating doses of estrogen. If everything goes as planned, she will begin stims mid-June and retrieval is set for June 28. Our transfer *may* happen around July 1-3ish!!!

All we can do is sit back and enjoy the ride. If we get all worked up and paranoid about it actually working this time, then it will make things very stressful around here and we don't need that! We definitely have to give all of our worries to God and allow room for error.

We just returned from an awesome 10th anniversary roadtrip to Chicago...we were able to see most of the city and visit with my little sis! I will post some pics soon.

Right now, the pool and a few...well maybe more than a few...strawberry daiquiris are calling my name! For now, we will keep living our life and having fun. Hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend!

A Decade Later...

Exactly ten years and thirty pounds ago, Andy and I were saying "I do!"

I cannot believe it has already been ten years. I also cannot believe everything we've been through in our short time together!

We are in Chicago celebrating and spending time with my sister...awesome city! Tonight we will celebrate with a big fat filet and some cocktails at the top of the Hancock.

I know I say this every year, but this will be the LAST year we celebrate alone.

We WILL be a family of three by our eleventh!

My Uterus Has Exploded!

Warning: If you are easily grossed out, you probably should not be reading a blog with the word "Uterus" in the title. That is all.

After being off all of my medications for more than a week now, Aunt Flo finally arrived on Friday!!! This is probably the only time you will find me happy to see her!

I haven't had a period in almost two months, so this should be fun. My lining is probably 5 feet thick and thriving.

I start back on BCP tonight, and our nurse will be in touch soon with a new schedule! If all goes as planned, it looks like we will have a transfer around the end of June!

Last year, I was curled up in my bed, crying, and watching Lifetime movies. All. Day. Long. This Mother's Day has been MUCH better. I think that I hit rock bottom last year after our miscarriage. I'm so grateful that I have such wonderful support system...I wouldn't have any hope if it wasn't for God, my family, fellow bloggers, and friends that have actually stuck around through all of this madness!

Andy has completely made my Mother's Day...I woke up with a gift certificate for a Spa Mani/Pedi, and he is cooking me an awesome dinner tonight...pork tenderloin, pineapple casserole, and potato casserole! He told me that he was sick of me being left out on Mother's Day, so he was going to give me a good day:) Poor thing even ripped up all of the carpet and installed floors this weekend! I just hung out with my family and hid in the computer room so that I wouldn't have a panic attack from the mess that is our house. He did such a good job!

Before

After

We also took my mom and grandmother out for a nice lunch yesterday. Here is a picture of four generations...sans my youngest sister Elizabeth who just moved to Chicago:(

From left to right: Me, Mom, Brother, Grandmother, Brother-In-Law, Sister, and my beautiful niece!

I might as well throw in my FAVORITE picture of my mom and I. My mom told me that I was pitching a fit up until the second this picture was snapped. Dang mood swings!

I hope all of you had a wonderful Mother's Day. My heart has been heavy for those who have lost their mother, and for those of us who would give anything to be a mom.

One day we WILL be included in this holiday!

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

Third Time's a Charm?

Andy and I have officially picked out our THIRD donor since January. Hopefully this will be the one that "sticks"!

We submitted our choices last night, and were matched today with our first pick. I received an email this morning from my nurse telling us that we are going to be the primary couple for this cycle, yay! I thought that we were going to have to wait another month or so for a secondary couple to sign on, but guess what? Another couple picked her yesterday too! That means we can get started right away!!! I forgot that our clinic guarantees a primary position if you were secondary during the previous cycle...score!

I am to call my nurse when I start my period (my uterus should be exploding any day now) and she will get me started back on those awesome birth control pills. Then comes the Lupron, and you know the rest of the story. The entire process will probably take another 6-8 weeks, pending no delays.

Our donor still has to undergo the new genetic tests that they have added to their protocol, so we are not getting our hopes up yet. Our first donor was dropped after coming back as a carrier for a genetic disorder. I think our guard has officially been placed into the lock position until we actually take a baby home from the hospital. We have faith that it will eventually happen, but we remain somewhat cynical of the entire process in general. There is just too much room for error!

My doctor did call me personally, from his cell phone, to apologize again about our cycle being canceled at retrieval. He reiterated the fact that what happened is a very rare occurrence. I reminded him that everything that has happened to Andy and I has been a rare occurrence. We just roll like that. He urged us to continue to trust in them and they will do everything in their power to give us a successful donor cycle. I really wanted to ask him if he had thought about kicking us out of their clinic because we are ruining their success rates, but I refrained. Haha!

I'm really excited about this donor. According to her profile, she has been a donor once before. This means that they wouldn't have let her back into the program unless she had a good outcome last time. She is married, 5'6", 135 lbs, and about to graduate with honors to become a teacher. Her hobbies include singing, writing, gymnastics, swimming, dance...and she loves football! Sounds like my kind of girl! Our last donor's baby picture looked nothing like me, but this one bears some resemblance to me with brown hair and eyes. She also comes from a mutt background like I do...her mother is Irish, father is French/Italian, and grandmother is Greek/Italian. I would LOVE to post her picture, but since this is an anonymous cycle I'm not allowed to do so. You never know if she or someone who knows her will come across my blog one day.

So, we are about to hop on this Scream Machine for the 7,193,485,793,865,987th time. Thanks again for all of your support and for sticking with us throughout all of this madness...you guys ROCK!

The Shi**y Luck Fairy Has Struck Again

Cycle over.

Our donor went in for her retrieval this morning. Out of the 20+ follicles seen via ultrasound, she only gave up 9 usable eggs. Since we are doing a split cycle and are the secondary couple, all 9 of them went to the primary couple. It is their policy not to split them up if they retrieve less than 10 eggs. F'awesome.

I remember my nurse saying after our last cycle was canceled that taking secondary was no big deal because the secondary gets dropped <5% of the time...well, we should have known that the odds are always against Andy and Jessica!

Andy drove all the way to Charleston this morning to sit in the lobby for an hour and a half before our doctor finally came out to tell him the news. Needless to say, that trip, all of the time off work, all of the medications we've taken for the past 2.5 months, and ultrasounds we've paid for out of pocket were a waste.

The other couple already delayed the cycle by a few weeks because she couldn't ever seem to start her period. We also found out that they are self-pay and didn't have the Shared Risk program like us. This means that they are going to have to strike a check today for double the amount to cover our half of the cycle, which really sucks for them.

On a positive note, since we contracted with the Shared Risk program, this cycle doesn't count against us. We were very close to not doing Shared Risk and taking a leap of faith by paying out of pocket for one cycle. If we would have done that, look at where we'd be now! Out 20 grand because of a canceled cycle and no money to do it again!

So, we have to start from scratch. Again. If we ever make it to a freaking transfer I'll be shocked! I've been giving myself injections and taking meds for almost 2.5 months now...forrrrr nothing. I am to stop all medications today, start my period sometime next week, and our nurse will be emailing us another password to pick another donor and start this process all over again.

We're definitely picking primary couple this time around. Because of that, we will have to wait until another couple picks the same donor as secondary. Then go through another round of genetic testing. Then medicines and ultrasounds again for another three months.

We are going to start planning a trip for our 10 year anniversary that is coming up in two weeks! Yippee! We have decided that we are going to go to Chicago to visit my little sister who just moved up there. We were not sure that we'd be able to go because of the cycle, but I guess now we can!

We're going to spend the remainder of our weekend taking naps and drinking. Thank you all for your support, and I'm sorry to have let you all down. Ahh the joys of the infertility roller coaster.

We will keep the Faith that it will eventually be our turn!

STOP! Triggertime.

It's official! Cindy Lou Who will be triggering tonight and her retrieval will be on Saturday morning!!! Woot Woot! Everything looks perfect and we are so blessed that this went as smoothly as it did. Now we are praying that her retrieval and postop goes well and that our half of the eggs fertilize normally!

Andy has to be in Charleston at 10 am Saturday morning to give up some baby batter. Just to be safe, they will perform ICSI since we have had a problem with his count and the sperm penetrating the eggs in the past. Our embryologist will call us early Sunday morning to give us a fertilization report and schedule a tentative 3 day transfer on Tuesday. If it looks as if our embryos are strong come Tuesday, they will stretch it out to a 5 day transfer when they are in the blastocyst stage (we have never made it to a 5DT with our previous IVF's).

My last Lupron injection is tomorrow morning...sweet. I've been giving myself those darn things for almost two months now. My belly needs a break man! Andy will start giving me the PIO butt injections on Saturday and we will continue that 2x daily with the estrogen 3x daily up until the day of transfer. I will then switch to a PIO injection every morning, and a Prometrium suppository every evening. I am having to do all of this artificially because my body will not do it on its own since they have shut my system down to prevent me from ovulating/starting my period. All of these hormones are needed to support a pregnancy until the placenta is able to do it on its own at around 9 weeks of pregnancy.

Complicated. Ridiculousness.

I just wish that I could meet this girl and give her a huge hug. She will never know how thankful we are for being so selfless and putting her life on hold for us. I mean seriously...she has a husband and toddler at home and her ovaries are about to spontaneously combust because she wants to help a complete stranger have a baby. We are forever grateful for Cindy Lou Who!

We also want to thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers in the previous posts. Not only do you guys ROCK, you are our ROCK. We appreciate all of your love and support through all of this. I must say that I definitely found out who my true friends are, once again, while going through all of this!


I titled this post Triggertime, and now I can't get It's Hammertime out of my head. Let me pay homage to my main man M.C. whilst I'm at it.

I even owned and proudly sported a pair of neon splatter-painted hammer pants to school in 5th grade. Can't touch this. That is all.

She's Almost There!

Stimulation Day 10

We have about 20 follicles on today's ultrasound! She is doing much better than I ever did...geez. I was told that there were quite a few more, but they were smaller than the others. Keep in mind that we're going for quality vs. quantity. She could spit out 50 eggs, but that doesn't mean that they will all be mature. We won't know until the actual retrieval, but at least this gives us a good idea!

Our nurse is 99% sure that the retrieval will take place on Saturday 4/30/11. Our donor has another ultrasound/labs tomorrow to confirm this. My nurse will call me tomorrow afternoon with medication instructions and an appointment for Andy in Charleston to give a babyfish sample. I will have to start progesterone-in-oil (PIO) injections soon, so I'm getting the heating pad warmed up for those. Andy will basically be injecting my butt cheek with molasses twice daily...awesomeballs! Please pray for my butt...and for Andy to have a steady hand! I think that I will be stopping the Lupron injections this weekend too...thank goodness. Menopause ain't no joke.

Time to get the bags packed for a roadtrip to Charleston! So excited! After six redonkulous years, we may actually have a good chance at becoming mommy and daddy soon!

Egg Hunting

Stimulation Day 8

Our donor had her first ultrasound this morning! So far, everything looks great! She is responding to the stimulation meds and her labs are within normal limits. My nurse told me that she has about 12 follicles that are >12mm and a bunch more that are <12 mm. She said that this was a very good number for the first ultrasound. If I recall correctly, I had about 4 follicles with IVF #1 and 8 follicles with IVF #2 at my first ultrasounds. Work it little 23 year old girl...popowww! Of course, the final number will be split between us and another couple, but I'll be happy with whatever! Thank God for the shared-risk program!

Normally, the follicles mature around 22ish mm, and then she will receive her trigger (HCG) injection. The trigger injection is one of the most critical parts of the cycle. It induces the final maturation of the eggs, loosens the egg's attachment from the follicle wall, and allows for timing of the egg retrieval. It basically prepares her body for ovulation. However, my doctor will manually ovulate her before her body does the deed itself. She will have the retrieval exactly 36 hours after she gives herself the trigger.

Her next ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, and I will receive an update that afternoon! As of now, she suspects that the retrieval will occur Friday or Saturday, but we won't know for sure until Wednesday. Andy will have to drive down to Charleston on the day of the retrieval to watch porn in their lab so that he can provide a sample. I don't know why he needs porn...all he has to do is think about me. In those stirrups. In my tube socks. Haha.

Oh, the life of an infertile couple.

So my transfer could take place anywhere from next Monday 5/2 through Thursday 5/5. Which means I may have to ask for another last minute day off work, but whatever! Priorities! We will probably head down to Charleston Sunday night to just wait it out next week. Hopefully we'll get a good fertilization report so that we're not on pins and needles the entire time we are there.

Andy got me this cool piece of chocolate for Easter. If you look closely it has an awesome Faith verse:

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

I just love a good Faith verse. It is so very true and I'm trying to keep that mindset through all of this! My awesome mom also cooked Easter dinner last night. I chowed down on some homemade fried chicken, butter beans, mashed potatoes, and cheddar-garlic biscuits. For dessert we had a delish egg shaped cheesecake/mousse dessert from Jrs Cheesecake...it was fantabulous! It was just Andy, myself, and my parents. My youngest sister moved to Chicago last week, and my other sister lives about 2 hours away with her husband and child. My little brother was out of town. It was kind of depressing, but Skype came to the rescue. How can something so awesome be free??

For those who celebrate Easter, I hope that you had a wonderful day!

My Baby Momma

If everything goes as planned, our donor will start stimulating tomorrow! Shwing! She should stimulate for about 12 days and her tentative retrieval date is set for April 30. It is at that time when we will get half of however many eggs are retrieved and they will be fertilized with Andy's sperm via ICSI. The other half will go to the couple we are splitting the cycle with. The embryos should divide and grow over the course of 3-5 days, then two of the best ones will be transferred to my uterus on either May 3 or May 5. If any embryos survive 5 days past fertilization they can be frozen for future use.

The donor will have to go to our clinic every 2-3 days during the stimulation phase so that they can check her follicle count, size, and hormone levels. They will adjust her medications as needed, and when the follicles reach a certain size she will give herself a HCG trigger injection and go in for the retrieval ~48 hours later. I am so glad that I don't have to do this again!!! The only thing that scares me is the loss of control over everything. Having to depend on her to do the medications correctly and at the right times is bringing out the OCD in me. I find myself wondering, is she taking care of herself? Did she forget to do her injection this morning? I am going to have to set all of these fears aside and put it all in God's hands!

She is supposed to have a baseline ultrasound tomorrow, and they will give her the go-ahead to begin stims if all is well. My nurse should call me with updates after each ultrasound to give me reports. This is REAL y'all! So excited!

In case anyone is interested, I found this cool video that explains all of the aspects of an IVF retrieval/transfer. It even shows how they do ICSI and assisted hatching. It's long, but pretty cool! So, if any of my lingo is confusing you...refer to this video! Again, thank you all for your support. I will be in touch:)

April Fools! Sike.

I should have wrote this post the day it happened...April Fools Day. I've been so incredibly busy. I started my own photography business earlier this year (outside of my career as a nurse) and I'm loving every minute of it! I will save that for another post!

Anyway, my nurse called me on 4/1 to inform me that the other couple in our split donor cycle has not started their period yet.

Blink. Blink.

Wha...wha...what??? For once my body is cooperating perfectly, and the other couple is screwing everything up! To put things into perspective, she should have started her period with me back on 3/20. Marvelous. Sooo, the only information given to me was that she was symptomatic and should be starting soon. First question..."Is the heffa pregnant?" Answer...No.

The donor and I have been placed in a "holding pattern" until the little miss catches up with us. The donor will now start stims on 4/18 instead of 4/4, and her retrieval will now be 4/30 instead of 4/16. Just another little annoying bump in the road.

I did have another ultrasound on 4/4 which revealed a perfect uterus with a nice plump lining of 11.2mm, and no cysts! I will continue Lupron injections everyday, and I am up to two estrogen tablets three times daily. I was concerned that feeding my lining for another month would make it start growing out of my vajayjay, but she assured me that they have it under control and that my uterus will be just fine.

Now for a little venting session. I really really wanted to keep this cycle a secret from the majority for our own self preservation. It is just too emotionally draining to explain all of this complicated nonsense to everyone. However, a disgruntled, emotionally abusive, and hostile a$$wipe that I work with has caused some commotion at work because some of us "take advantage of our boss" and "come and go as we please". This all starting occurring when I "snuck" in late after one of my morning doctor appointments. Now, my boss has been moved to another office and I have to start all over and explain why I need spur of the moment days off to my new boss. It may not seem like a big deal, but thinking about having to go tell her is about to give me a panic attack and that is the last thing I need right now. Legally, I know that all I have to tell her is that it's medical and then I wouldn't have to give any further information.

But seriously? Scenario: Imagine having to go to someone you barely know and tell them that you need off, but you don't know when. Or for how long. You can't tell them why you need off, and if it's a day when someone else is already off you have to have off as well because it's not an option. Then they have to find someone to work in your place at the very last minute. But nobody knows why. If they can't find a fill-in, then they are shorthanded and have a crazy day. After awhile, people start talking, wondering, getting pissed off, and starting rumors. Then you have to go back to work and act like nothing is going on. It's starting to become more stressful to lie about it than it would be to just be honest with people. I just wish that the disgruntled "It" who caused this unnecessary stress would go elsewhere. I mean, why work somewhere when you absolutely hate your job and just show up to slam and throw things around all day, verbally abuse your coworkers, and make everyone else miserable? Negative people are so toxic to the environment. Grrrr.

And now, I leave you on a more joyful note...a glimpse into the life of Andy and Jessica. Here are a couple of pictures taken by Andy while goofing off in the exam room. One time he even got away with a disposable speculum. I can't take him anywhere.  

Warning: If you are easily offended, don't go any further. Heck, for that matter, you probably shouldn't read my blog at all! ;) 

I'm so classy.

Meet Mr. Dildo Cam...an infertile's sugar daddy. I've been out on about 5937492863476 dates with him! At about $300 bucks a pop, I should be his sugar mama!

I also want to give a HUGE CONGRATS to my blog friend Melissa who just found out she is preggo after her 1st IVF cycle!!! I met her when I first started blogging, so we have shared a good portion of this journey together. Out of all of my original blog friends, she and I were the only ones still hanging. She has been incredibly supportive and I can't think of anyone more deserving of this! Please check out her blog, Banking On It...she's an awesome writer:)

Uterus. Check. Estrogen. Check Check.

I saw my local doctor yesterday for an ultrasound and labs, and everything came back great! My uterus is perfect (lining has shedded), no cysts on the ovaries, and my estrogen has bottomed out! I'm on Day 4 of my cycle and started taking oral Estradiol today. They have completely shut down my ovarian function with the Lupron injections, and now they are manipulating my cycle as my own body would do. This way, they have complete control over all of my hormones!

I will escalate the Estrogen dose weekly. Right now I'm on one every morning and one every night. After a few weeks, I will have titrated it up to two tablets three times daily. Around transfer time, I will begin the Progesterone in oil injections twice daily, as well as progesterone vajayjay suppositories. I will stay on Lupron injections every morning from here on out to keep my ovaries asleep. Andy is taking ten days worth of doxycycline (an antibiotic) to make sure he doesn't have any infections that will affect his sperm when it's time to take them...this is standard protocol. I will also have to take it around the time of transfer.

I'm seriously not stressing at all...yet. I have a different set of medications to keep up with, but I can't tell you how happy I am that I don't have to stimulate myself this time. Been there, done that, and don't ever want to do it again...it's torture!

My next ultrasound and lab work is 4/4. That is around the time our donor will begin stimulating. So excited!!!

Please don't forget that we are keeping this cycle hush hush to everyone but select members of our family, and those that are sweet enough to continue reading our blog. I haven't told anyone at work except my boss, but I suspect that some people are starting to figure out what is going on with my comings and goings and phone calls from my doctor everyday. That is fine, but I just don't want to have to explain everything to everyone..everyday. As much as we appreciate the support, it is so very hard to manage everyone else's emotions on top of trying to deal with this ourselves. Plus, if it does work, we do not want to tell anyone until we are absolutely sure it is viable. This probably means when I carry a baby home from the hospital. Thanks for understanding...and for everyone's support!

It's A Go!

Sorry I haven't updated lately...it's been really busy around here! I'm doing this from my phone, so forgive me if there are any typos.

First off, we were approved for the Shared Risk program! We had some issues with our first contract and the total was almost twice what we were quoted last year. Awesome. The only thing that was covered was the egg retrieval and transfer. Everything else was out of pocket...donor compensation, labs, ultrasounds, etc. So, we we're just about to take a leap of faith and pay for a cycle without the chance of getting a refund if it didn't work. Our financial rep had to call the company and they wrote up another contract that included everything but my monitoring. The fee was still a lot more, but we went ahead and agreed to it. We just couldn't stomach taking the chance and having absolutely no money refunded if this doesn't work. It's a nauseating amount of money! We get 3 fresh donor IVF cycles, and unlimited FET cycles. 100% of our money is refunded if we don't take a live baby home from the hospital after all of the cycles are used up.

I started Lupron injections yesterday and will do so until the transfer which is scheduled around 4/19. I will start estrogen sometime in the next month, and will do progesterone suppositories and progesterone in oil injections after the transfer. From what I've heard, those are hell! It's like injecting molasses into your butt cheek...twice a day for 12 weeks. k.

So far so good! My next appointment for labs and an ultrasound is 3/23. I have to go back to the dreaded Augusta doctor whom is a pompous arse, but I'd rather not have to drive to Charleston all of the time while trying to work.

Please pray! :)



Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Let's Get This Party Started...Once Again

I just wanted to do a quick update because it's my birthday and I'm going to enjoy the rest of the evening! :)

We were able to get into the system and chose another donor last Thursday night. Our second choice from the first time was still available. However, another girl caught our eye and we picked her instead. She doesn't look a thing like me, but she already has one child, so we know that she definitely has some eggs in there! We are the secondary couple this time, instead of primary. This means that there is a chance we could get dropped from the cycle if the donor doesn't produce a lot of eggs, but our nurse said this only happens <5% of the time.

All we know is that she's 5'3" with light brown hair and blue eyes. She has good vision/hearing and didn't have a significant personal/family history of issues which is good. We still have to wait for the genetic testing again, but hopefully the last incident was a rare occasion and we won't have to deal with that again!

We went to Charleston this past weekend and saw our doctor on Monday morning. I had a sonohystogram performed which looks for abnormalities in my uterus such as polyps, fibroids, abnormal lining, etc. From what I understand, the uterus is like a deflated balloon. The walls are collapsed onto each other, and it's hard to see the lining with a regular ultrasound. They prepped me like a pap smear, and inserted a catheter into my uterus. They then injected saline into my uterus to inflate it like a balloon and then did the abominable dildo cam to look for any abnormalities. Good news is that it came back A++++++++!!! I'm so proud of my uterus. If only God would have given me perfect eggs to match.

They were also able to submit my Shared-Risk Program application to see if we are eligible for the 100% refund program...we should hear an answer soon! They are predicting a yes since all of our tests are perfect!

We briefly spoke with our doctor about the recent events. Apparently I was wrong in my assumption about the genetic testing and why our first donor was disqualified. He explained to us that she had donated eggs through their program before. It is regular practice that they do test the donors before allowing them in the active pool. However, they just added a new panel of tests that they previously did not screen for. She just happened to come back positive for one of them which they were told only happened 4% of the time. However, they are finding that their donors are coming back positive carriers about 28% of the time. The girls are completely healthy, but just happen to be a carrier of some disorders. So again, hopefully we won't have to go through this again. If so, then they would probably just test Andy and if he's not a carrier too, then we're in the clear. Genetics confuses the heck out of me, so this is the best I can explain it.

More good news...we received our updated schedule from our nurse on Tuesday! It really surprised me because we are pretty much on the same time frame...pending no problems! I am prepared for interruptions though...they are inevitable with IVF. I've been on birth control since February and will start Lupron injections the week after next, and will still be going for ultrasounds/lab work throughout the months of March/April. I will start estrogen towards the end of this month. The donor's retrieval is around 4/16, depending on how she stimulates, and then our transfer will be around 4/19-4/21.

So overwhelming and exciting. Again, thank you all for your sweet comments and prayers. Please keep them coming...we need all we can get!

Also, please if you know me in real life do not make any "public" announcements that we are going through this again. We've decided to keep it on the DL as much as we can until something positive comes out of this 6 year ridiculousness. Please refer to my previous post for a better explanation. We thank you for understanding! Love you all:)