The Perfect Dozen

So, Andy and I have been trying to fill out our egg donor application which is turning into an Olympic feat to say the least. Along with listing our own characteristics, we are having to tell them about our personality, temperament, hobbies, religion, ethnic background, etc.

The most important part is that we have to come up with two separate lists of characteristics that we require and desire in a donor. If you know us in real life, you could probably guess that this was very entertaining to us. Hey, this ridiculousness has been going on for nearly 6 years, so we have to find the humor in it. 

My intention is not to offend anybody by this post, nor be greedy and try to design the ideal child. When it comes down to it, we just want to be parents. However, you have to understand that this is the only child that Andy and I are going to have, and we are trying to request quantifiable traits that most closely resemble myself. People love to play the "Who does the child look like" game, and it's probably going to be *secretly* uncomfortable enough when someone tells me that our child has my eyes or nose, or looks nothing like me. I am not saying that it is all about looks. Please think of what you would want if you happened to be in our shoes. Genetics is a complete toss-up, so I'm happy that our child will at least be half Andy's. I will love our child regardless...but I have to be completely honest that a little piece of me is still hurting because I will not be able to carry on my family's genetic line...or my infamous ghetto booty.

Anyway, we were cracking up while creating this list...and we obviously got less serious towards the end. You will probably notice that I have a huge tooth fetish. Andy made me cross off the dental entries because he said that you can control how healthy a child's teeth are going to be by raising them with healthy habits. I disagree. I know for a fact that snaggles are genetic. I can make the child brush and floss, but if he or she only grows 8 permanent healthy teeth, then that's a problem. 

Drum roll....

Let me justify my double-jointed spider monkey toes:

 

And the bow staff...Napoleon Dynamite is my hero. Our kid better be this fly for a white guy:

I don't think the list is too much to ask. Of course, it is evident that several of these will not be on our application. Once we mail it in, we will have to undergo an excessive amount of lab testing, another saline sonogram, another trial transfer, go through counseling and be approved by a psychologist, and then be placed on a waiting list for a donor. Our nurse says that it takes an average of 6 months to be matched. Once matched, the entire cycle will take 3 months. 

We're not even close to mailing the application, so we're not even looking at anything happening until this time next year or later. For this, I would like to give a shout-out to our bank for our refinancing fiasco. I'm about to go postal on them. 

This is when I could really use Napoleon and his bow staff skills. Vote for Pedro.